The Spanish Teacher

Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
Livin' La Vida Lima

That evening, Rachel, Mercedes and St. Gay Of Lima are having a girls' night in Rachel's bedroom, scarfing down popcorn while watching one of those crap-ass Twilight movies, and their idle chatter eventually turns to their various dating woes, and I politely excuse myself from that bullshit to go slam my head through a window, and when I return, I find Rachel's admitted she accepted Frankenteen's proposal, because Rachel has turned into a fucking idiot. You know, for accepting that lumbering lunkhead's dimwitted proposal, not for admitting it to Mercedes and St. Gay. Or maybe for both. Whatever. I'm over all this rampant stupidity, so you can figure that one out on your own. In any event, this all somehow feeds into a cross-fade over to...

...the music room the following day, and we listen along with the various children present while Mercedes slyly works around Miss Pillsbury's senseless communications ban by singing Gloria Estefan's "Don't Want To Lose You" to Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen, and did they really replace the usual gang of backup mutes from The McKinley Jazz Ensemble with a group of thematically appropriate Latino gentlemen for this evening's presentation? They totally did, didn't they? 'Cause that sure as hell isn't the floppy-haired bass player I'm used to seeing in the background. Not that this replacement McKinley Jazz Ensemble is unpleasing to the eye, mind you, it just seems more than a little obnoxious that they'd swap the regular guys out and hire a bunch of token ethnic musicians for this one episode.

But I've spun myself off into an unnecessary tangent again, haven't I? Where the hell was I before all that happened? Oh, yeah: This dumbass romance subplot I don't care about set to a song I don't care for, followed by a quick commercial break, followed by more of this dumbass romance subplot set to a medley of songs I don't care for. Yep, once Mercedes has successfully skirted Miss Pillsbury's senseless communications ban, it's time for Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen to do the same, which he accomplishes with a little help from The Glee Guys and a mash-up of "Bamboleo" by the Gipsy Kings and Enrique Iglesias's "Hero." By the way, all of The Glee Guys are sporting Mexican poulaines, which only serve to make their so-called "dancing" that much more labored and awkward, and...that's about all I have to say about that, I think. God, the musical numbers are boring tonight.

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