Back in the cafeteria, Mercedes reminds Kurt that they can forget all about Rachel when they go bowling that night. Rather than forget about her, perhaps it would be more productive if they pictured each pin as a miniature Rachel Berry? Kurt blows off my suggestion and Mercedes when he tells her that he can't honor his previous commitment to bowl with her because he has to hang out with Blaine. Mercedes asks him if he's dating Blaine, and he completely denies it. But it's not clear if that's not true or if he doesn't want anyone to think that Blaine is using him to fish for info about Glee Club (as Jesse appeared to do with Rachel last year). Kurt promises to make it up to Mercedes by hanging out with her on Friday night. And then Mercedes catches a glimpse of the promised land. By which I mean, she sees the cafeteria workers putting out a fresh batch of tater tots. So she cuts in line to get some, with a bizarrely happy smile on her face. She also asks Kurt what they should do about Glee Club while Will is sick. Kurt asks Mercedes if she's met the new substitute teacher.
Cut to the Spanish classroom, where Mike Chang is throwing wads of paper at Finn. An oddly patrician voice-over tells us, "It's not easy being a substitute teacher. Kids feel like they get the day off. They'll goof off, egg your car, cut class, break into your car, throw spit-balls, put an alligator in your car... and I don't even have a nice car." And then the camera shows us that the oddly patrician voice belongs to Ms. Gwyneth Paltrow. [I liked Gwyneth back when she was unapproachable. Everyone hated on her but she didn't give a shit because she was on every magazine cover, dating men like Ben Affleck and Brad Pitt, wearing amazing clothes and making lots of movies. - Gustave] I kind of feel the opposite of Gustave. I mean, what's the point of hating Gwyneth nowadays? Until this episode, she was kind of off my Hollywood radar. Has she done anything of any note any time in the last few years?
And then Gwyneth, who is playing Holly Holliday, speaks to the kids in Spanish, asking them if they agree that Lindsay Lohan is kind of crazy. Does she not realize that this class is normally taught by Will Schuester? These kids don't actually learn any Spanish from him. [Ouch. Lindsay Lohan has been going "loca" since 2004. This reminds me of a teacher I had in high school who would make Michael Jackson jokes. It was 1985, Thriller had come out last year and those red leather jackets were being marked down in bargain bins all over the country. "Hey maybe you'd be paying more attention to me if I MOONWALKED!" he said, expecting a big laugh. - Gustave] Holly Holliday's voice-over continues, telling us that she tries to avoid car vandalism by relating to the kids, speaking to them on their level, and being "fun." Holly's Spanish isn't great, but I can't really mock it, because every substitute I ever had in my high school French classes was reduced to making us do a worksheet, since not one of them spoke a single word of the language. So by substitute standards, she's pretty good. And then Kurt interrupts the class to speak with Holly. I'm guessing people interrupt Will's classes all the time, since I don't think anyone really views him as a "teacher," so Kurt probably thinks this is perfectly normal. Kurt asks Holly if she had considered taking over Glee Club, since she's already taken over Spanish class. "What makes you think I know the first thing about Glee Club?" Kurt reminds Holly that she subbed for his English class the previous week, so he's seen her in action.