Cut to the auditorium, where Rachel and Holly perform the upbeat, glamorous number with a good dance beat that she wanted to sing. It's "Nowadays/Hot Honey Rag" from Chicago. And other than the fact that Rachel looks like a lawn gnome standing next to Holly, it's a fine performance. Although the other kids get into their Jazz Age dancing a little more than seems realistic. And they finish with the worst cartwheels you can imagine. But otherwise, it's okay. [The Chicago number is all kinds of wrong. First off they are both too tall and skinny to be Roxy and Velma. Plus, Gwyneth is way taller than Lea so it's like a big sister/little sister pageant number. Plus, it's one of those Glee numbers that tries so hard to imitate the original source material -- the sets, lighting, costumes, choreography etc. -- that all you can do is draw an unfavorable comparison between it and the original. - Gustave]
I guess Terri's "nursing" has worked, because Will enters the school. Although maybe not, since he's coughing up a lung. Sue intercepts him and tells him there's no reason for him to be there. But she doesn't mean that he should be at home resting -- it's just that the kids prefer the substitute, and so does Sue: "And I gotta be honest with you Will, a lot of it's the hair thing. In fact right now, I'm tempted to sell your scalp on the black market as a tiny, full-length shearling coat for only the most fashionable of premature babies." Will: "I long for the day when Figgins gets better and comes back." Sue tells him not to hold his breath, as she's been made principal on a permanent basis. And then she fires Will. I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again -- the teachers at this school have the worst union ever. Commercials.
Breadstix! Kurt, Blaine, and Mercedes are sitting at a booth. Blaine is still wearing his school uniform. Nerd. Kurt and Blaine are going on about gay marriage. They're right, of course, but by the time you're my age these conversations are much less fulfilling than they are when you're a baby gay. They ask Mercedes what she thinks, but she has totally spaced out and doesn't even know what they're talking about. Blaine suggests they discuss something that interests her as well. Kurt: "I know, let's play a game. On the count of three, name your favorite 2010 Vogue cover." Mercedes is excited by this game as I would be. Which is to say, not at all. But Kurt and Blaine both pick the same one (of course). We then hear Kurt and Blaine's conversation from the point of view of Mercedes: "Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. Gay-gay-gay!" And then something falls out of Kurt's mouth. He holds up a little pink handbag and tells her, "Oh my gosh, I open my mouth and a little purse falls out." Mercedes is saved from the attack of the aging yet apt gay clichés by the arrival of the waitress, who is happy to let her order off the menu, since it seems that all the kids from McKinley have been asking for tots lately.