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The Replacements

Terri is angry to find her ex-husband sitting on his sofa with another woman. Will tells her she should have called, she tells him she was just bringing more soup, and then she insults him and Holly in baby talk, assuming they're hooking up (which, frankly, I thought they were going to do until Terri interrupted). Holly: "Oh, no... I'm Holly Holliday." Terri: "Are you a porn star or a drag queen?" Terri introduces herself as Will's wife. Holly: "Wow. You're wife's kind of a bitch." Terri thinks that what happened the previous night meant they were getting back together. (If they had sex just last night and Will looks as healthy as he does right now, I can only assume that Terri fucked the monkey pox right out of him. She's a miracle worker.) Will apologizes to Terri for making the mistake of sexing her up the previous night. Terri apologizes, and tells him that she'll come back. As she's walking to the door, Will tells her not to bother. Gina... I mean, "Terri": "You're gonna regret this, Will. I swear to God, you're gonna regret this." Eh, I wouldn't worry about it, Will -- I'm sure that's just the pregnancy hormones talking. Will asks Holly to tell him more about life without consequences. And then I assume they have sex.

Hallway. Kurt is at his locker when Mercedes gives him a "pssst" and shows him the contraband she smuggled into the school -- a plastic container of tots. And everyone knows tater tots are disgusting cold. Kurt's worried that the purloined potatoes are going to lead to Mercedes being thrown in the clink, but Mercedes thinks that prison life wouldn't be bad as long as the cafeteria served tots. Out of nowhere, Kurt tells Mercedes that he's not going to break it off with Blaine. And then he tells her he's substituting food for love, and was substituting his friendship for having a boyfriend. Which is a condescending mess of shit. I think that what she was really doing was sublimating the genuine anger about the way Kurt was neglecting her now that he has Blaine into irrational anger over deep-fried potatoes, since it's always okay to be mad at Sue but it feels douchey to be mad at your friend because he's happy. But Mercedes accepts Kurt's moronic diagnosis. And then she goes off to eat her tots in the janitor's closet. I mean, I'm assuming that's what the writers want us to think. Because fat black girls love cold fried food, don't you know.

And then Meathead Karofsky at Kurt's locker, angrily asking him if he told anyone about what happened in the locker room. Kurt, with more sympathy than I would have been able to muster at his age, tells him that he understands how hard it is to come out, so he hasn't told anyone. And then Karofsky tells him, "Keep it that way. 'Cause if you do, I'm gonna kill you." Figure of speech? Or literal threat? Only time, and the quality of the writers' drugs, will tell. Commercials.

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