Glee

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Once that little non-crisis has passed, Rachel tugs off her helmet and bitches that the stupid goddamned halftime show now represents their only shot at "redemption," which gives Finn an idea, so he calls on Lady Lips to take over as quarterback for the remainder of the half and orders Puck to do whatever it takes to get Karofsky & Ko. BORED. SO VERY BORED.

Finn darts off towards the parking lot, where he finds Quinn, Santana, and Brittany still waiting for the bus to Regionals, even though it's the middle of the goddamned night by now, and with a few quick words I'll not be bothering to transcribe, Finn convinces all three of them to ditch the cheerleading squad. As the ladies turn to follow Finn into the stadium, however, Sue arrives to order them onto the bus, pronto, and in a show of unity that temporarily cracks Sue's arrogant fa├žade, each in her turn calmly announces her resignation from the Cheerios, effective immediately

Meanwhile, over in the locker room, Puck confronts his erstwhile teammates with a few quick words I'll not be bothering to transcribe, and all of them agree to perform in that stupid fucking halftime show so Coach Beiste will reinstate them, and then they can win the game. Well, all of them except for Karofsky, who BORED. SO VERY BORED.

And just like that, everyone's in full makeup and costume out on the field, ready to start the show. For some reason, there's a marching band out there with them, even though all audible music during the sequence that follows is synthesized. Whatever. It's time for the much-heralded mash-up of "Thriller" and "Heads Will Roll," and since I already told you I was more entertained by the Chevy ad we saw what seems like eighteen hours ago, I don't think I need to say much more about this. Well, okay, I suppose you should know that Artie's taking the lead vocals on the "Thriller" side of things with Santana primarily responsible for the nearly nonexistent "Heads Will Roll" bits, and because this is a super-special supersized Super Bowl episode that runs for more than 50 minutes even without all of the irrelevant commercials, Frankenteen gets to lurch about in the middle of everything, reciting Vincent Price's lines from the original. Of course, the crowd goes nuts. For everything. Oh, and also of course, Karofsky overcomes his crippling sense of self-loathing long enough to join everyone else on the field, where they embrace him as one of their BORED.

Back from what I pray to God is the final commercial break, the Titans celebrate their halftime victory in the locker room until Coach Beiste arrives to happily inform everyone that all of the previously exiled players are now more than welcome to participate in the final two quarters of the championship game. Generalized Woo!-ing ensues, and only gets louder when Coach Beiste tells them to keep their makeup on. "Maybe we'll freak out the other guys a little bit," she reasons, "and we need all the help we can get."

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Glee

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