Glee

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O Fortuna!

That evening, Terri pleasantly surprises Will by bringing him a beer while he's dealing with some leftover work. He thanks her for the gesture, but thinks he'd best abstain until after he's finished grading the papers. "What?" Terri smiles. "You think the kids weren't drunk when they wrote them?" I think Terri and I went to the same high school. Terri has several ulterior motives here, of course, and she proposes to help Will with the Sue situation at school not only to reestablish Will's blind faith in her after the previous evening's spat, but also to ensure her primary source of income (along with her primary source of an actual baby) because she actually understands the threat Sue represents. Her advice? "You got to do whatever it takes, honey! You got to get down in the gutter if you wanna win this." And that psychotic gleam in her eye tells us she knows exactly which gutters he needs to crawl through, starting with...

...this one: Sue arrives for scheduled Cheerios practice the following morning to find her entire squad missing, save for Quinn, Britney, and Santana Lopez. Quinn hustles over with the explanation: The other squad members are no longer "academically eligible" because "Mr. Schuester flunked them." DUN! The Wheel Of Fortune -- well, it's actually the camera -- has swung 'round to smack Sue Sylvester in the face, knocking her right into the next commercial break.

"This is a travesty of international proportions!" Sue seethes in Principal Figgins's office, shortly after the previous scene ended. She jabs an accusatory finger at Will's face and growls, "You are jeopardizing my Cheerios' role as goodwill ambassadors!" That's what they're calling a bunch of bubble-brained bimbos in bikini bras and carwash skirts nowadays? Good to know. Thanks, Sue! In response, Will shows his hand: "I have a Spanish quiz in which one of your cheerleaders misspelled her name, and answered every question with a drawing of a sombrero!" Hee. Sue, of course, accuses him of misogyny before railing, "Your psychosexual derangement would be fascinating, Will, if it weren't so terrifying!" Figgins shuts her down by revealing that Will's research has shown that most of Sue's cheerleaders are functionally illiterate. For example, at last Friday's football game, they tried to spell out "GO TEAM," but it ended up as "TO GAME." In fact, as Will points out, since 1992 -- when Terri was part of the squad, don't you know, and that's how she knows Sue's M.O. -- 95% of Sue's Cheerios should have flunked Spanish, and he self-righteously declares he can no longer with good conscience contribute to such an academic farce. Sue's response to this scurrilous accusation? "Let me break this down for you: I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go on to college? I don't know, I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they want to become dishwashers and gardeners, but if they want to be bankers and lawyers and captains of industry, the most important lesson they could possibly learn is how to do a round-off!" Truer words, I suppose. Will shouts for Figgins to fix this, now, and Figgins, cornered, abruptly declares there will be no more free passes for the cheerleading squad. Will exits, triumphant, and Sue wheels on Figgins to threaten him yet again with that sordid Mumbai Air anti-embolism stockings spot he shot during his wanton youth, but he's already loaded it onto YouTube himself -- "And it only got two hits!" "Let me break it down for you," he jazz-hands, mocking her. "Nobody cares!" O Fortuna! Sue goes apeshit, hurling books and errant students out of her way as she rampages back to her office.

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Glee

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