And now, dear readers, prepare yourselves. We've arrived at Sue's journal scene. Normally, I don't just transcribe long monologues. But whoever wrote this deserves to have his or her work memorialized for future generations. So, to wit: "Dear Journal. Feeling listless again today. It began at dawn, when I tried to make a smoothie out of beef bones, breaking my juicer. And then at Cheerios practice, disaster! [Cut to Sue watching the Cheerios make a pyramid.] It was unmistakable. It was like spotting the first spark on the Hindenburg. A quiver! [As we see a small twitch in Quinn's thigh.] That quiver will lose us Nationals. And without a championship, I'll lose my endorsements. And without those endorsements, I won't be able to buy my hovercraft. [Cut to Sue after practice, asking Quinn if she's feeling okay, and Quinn claiming to just be tired from too much Glee Club rehearsal.] Glee Club. Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth-breathers, it only comes back stronger, like some sexually-ambiguous horror movie villain. Here I am, about to turn 30, and I've sacrificed everything, only to be shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy, misshapen teens. Am I missing something, Journal? Is it me? Of course it's not me. It's Will Schuester! What is it about him, Journal? Is it the arrogant smirk? Is it the store-bought home perm? You know, Journal, I noticed something yesterday. [Flash to Sue watching Will and Emma's mustard-fueled flirtation.] Of course. It's coming clear to me now. If I can't destroy the club, I will have to destroy the man!"
Cut to Sue and Terri, sitting across from each other over a pot of tea. It's just like the first meeting between Lex Luthor and Brainiac! Sue: "Let me be frank. Your husband is hiding his kielbasa in a Hickory Farms gift basket that doesn't belong to you." Terri asks whose gift basket it is. Sue: "Guidance counselor. Real floozy and a man-eater. Wears creepy brooches like the kind my Nana was buried in. More tea." Terri stands up to pour Sue some more tea, and Sue comments on Terri's weight gain as a possible cause of Will's infidelity. Terri notes that she's pregnant. Sue: "Oh, that's no excuse. I've always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness. Me? Never wanted kids. Don't have the time, don't have the uterus." Terri asks if Sue is certain, and Sue tells her that if Will and Emma aren't already having an affair, they're certainly headed in that direction. Terri wonders what she should do. Sue thinks she should pack up and move Will as far away from Lima as possible. "Unless you want to lose your man to a mentally ill ginger pigmy with eyes like a bush baby." Terri wants proof. Sue tells her that if she spends some time at the school, she'll have as much proof as she needs. And she can spend some time at the school because there's an opening for school nurse, the previous school nurse having fallen down the stairs and straight into a coma. And then we cut to Sue tripping poor Mrs. Lancaster. Terri wisely notes that she's not a nurse. Sue: "I'm not an American citizen, I was born in the Panama Canal Zone. But I managed to get a passport and run for office twice." Sue tells Terri that if she wants to keep her husband, she needs to get creative.