Primary Conundrum Number Four gets teased when the camera pauses on T-T-T-Tina gazing wistfully at poor, put-upon Artie as the latter awkwardly tries to relace one of his sneakers in the music room, but it's really little more than a glancing blow before the pan settles in on Finn and Quinn so we might enjoy more of their neverending financial bickering, and I hate to lay this out there so early in the episode but: I DO NOT CARE. She either knocks it off with the prenatal care she can't afford and gets a job her own damn self to pay off the debt she already owes, or she levels with her parents and gets the whole thing covered by their insurance, or she gets an abortion down in Columbus and passes it off as a miscarriage to everyone else in the school. See? Options! And none of them involve me listening to her browbeat this over-tall dimwit (who is not, in fact, responsible for her fetus) into giving her money, ever again. Everybody wins! Fortunately, while I was typing all of that out, Mr. Schuester arrived with sheet music to yet another new number they'll be singing at Sectionals. The reason for the latest change is that, while he's aware that reworked pop songs have become their signature as a group, he's done some research into past winners, "and it turns out that the judges like songs that are more accessible." Stuff they know, like standards and showtunes, rather than garbage by the likes of no-talent douchebags such as Bell Biv DeVoe and Color Me Badd and Nelly and Jordin Sparks and Avril Lavigne and others too numerous to mention in this limited space. To that end, Mr. Schue's chosen "Defying Gravity" from a little regional nothing of a show you nevertheless might have heard of called Wicked. And just between you, me, and the wall, having rewatched that Tony clip for the first time in the privacy of my own home rather than in the middle of six or seven hundred baying homosexuals on Showtunes Night back at the bar in Chicago, I can state with confidence that Idina Menzel would not have won this evening's impending diva-off with that particular rendition, American Theatre Wing award or no. In fact, I'm pretty sure she would have placed nineteenth, after Rachel, Kurt, all of the non-participating Glee Club members, Mr. Schuester, the four kids they roped in from The McKinley Jazz Ensemble for backup instrumentation, and Tinkles.
Episode Report CardDemian: C+ | 2721 USERS: B
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