Glee

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Demian: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Proud Mary Keep On Burnin'

Music room. Finn fixes Rachel's wonked-out wheelchair, then sits beside her for a chat in which she admits to nerves regarding the following afternoon's diva-off, and in fairness to her, I'll transcribe exactly what she has to say about it: "I don't want to win out of charity -- I wanna win the solo because it's right for the club. I really think that the judges at Sectionals will find a female version of 'Defying Gravity' much more accessible..." And here she falters a bit after noticing the utterly gormless expression on Finn's face before offering a self-deprecating smile to conclude, "I don't think that's gonna happen -- people just don't like me." "Yeah, you might want to work on that," Finn unhelpfully replies. To his credit, he quickly realizes that didn't come out the way he might have intended, and hastens to add, "I like you." The two share a nice little moment until the knocked-up bitch on wheels storms in with a final notice on that goddamned sonogram and -- again -- ABORTION IN COLUMBUS. Once the bitch has flounced from the room, Rachel casts an appraising eye on her just-repaired wheelchair and gets An Idea. This should be wacky.

A little later -- or maybe it's the next day -- The WMHS GLEE CLUB Handicapable BUS BAKE SALE suddenly can no longer keep its various baked goods in stock as student after student forks over fistfuls of cash to scarf down cupcake after cupcake, as Puck somehow managed to find and exploit his Nana Connie's old recipe for the things. Mr. Schuester congratulates My Glorious Husband on a job well done while Puck's voice-over mischievously notes, "This isn't Nana Connie's old recipe -- she couldn't cook at all." "She was a diabetic," his voice-over confides, "so the only sweets she had in her house was dried fruit." The camera smears backwards a bit in time to Puck whipping up some cupcake batter in the Home Ec. room as his voice-over continues, "I knew I had to do something to help Quinn out with our baby. I don't know what kind of stuff you need for a baby that's still in your stomach -- bottles, diapers, that kind of thing, I guess -- but my baby mama was gonna get it all." The scene cuts to him wheeling his mohawked self over to Sandy Ryerson beneath the high school stadium's bleachers as the voice-over reveals, "To make sure that happened, I used the two things I know most about: Lying and crime." The voice-over cuts out momentarily as Sandy Ryerson solicitously asks, "Is there a lot of pain, Noah?" "The doctor said the shark fractured my spinal cord!" Puck faux-weeps. "This is why I don't go to the aquarium," Sandy sagely notes before promising to get Puck as much Chronic Lady as he wants at twenty cents on the dollar, and that is -- from what I've been led to believe, of course -- an outstanding deal. I suppose it helps immensely when your pusher's a desperate, middle-aged closet case and you look as fabulous in a wheelchair as My Glorious Husband here does, but whatever. Long story short, Puck didn't put enough marijuana into the cupcakes "to get you hallucinating," but "just enough to give you a wicked case of the munchies," and thus, the bake sale success.

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Glee

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