Glee

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Proud Mary Keep On Burnin'

In any event, Our Sweet Little Baby Gay practically explodes into a flock of glittery, rainbow-colored flying unicorns at the news, excitedly revealing he has an entire iPod Shuffle dedicated to selections from the musical in question, so he and his $280 2010 Gucci cruise cap are quite naturally put off when Mr. Schue -- naturally -- assigns Rachel the lead vocals, and we have now reached Primary Conundrum Number Five. Before anything really gets going with that one, however, Mr. Schue brings up this rehearsal session's second point of new business: Artie's handicapable Sectionals bus, and the fact that they have no money to pay for it. Well, shit, Will -- just have Kurt auction off a couple of his accessories on eBay, and you'll be set for the entire season. He could probably even pay for Quinn's abortion down in Columbus while he's at it. See? More options! Will doesn't listen to me, because you simply cannot trust a man with curly hair, and instead suggests a bake sale. Are you all familiar with the concept of the turd in the punchbowl? Excellent, because that's exactly how Mr. Schue's suggestion goes over with the kids. "You're joking, right?" Santana Lopez snorts, delightful disdain dripping from every word. "I mean, bake sales are kind of bougie." "So, hip people stopped eating delicious, sugary treats?" Mr. Schue shoots back. "It's not that?" Britney begins, as the spare, scattered brain cells bouncing around inside her thick skull struggle to fire at each other. "It's most of us?" she continues ungrammatically. "Don't know how to bake?" "I find?" she concludes, making it personal. "Recipes... confusing?" And then she sits there like a gazelle in the headlights while my TV girlfriend Santana Lopez shoots her a withering side-eye. HA! The others chime in with additional objections, most citing today's fast-paced teen culture as reasons to pass on the idea before Mercedes brings up a point Principal Figgins made earlier: "Can't Artie's dad just take him?"

The question offends Mr. Schue to his starry-eyed, nostalgic core, but rather than pursuing the same line of argument he did with Figgins, Will instead chides them for being insensitive to Artie's needs while also wondering if they have yet to learn the proper definition of "teamwork." Considering Britney likely can't spell the word, I'm guessing the answer to that would be "yes," at least in her case, but my opinion on the matter is not important at the moment, for Quinn Fabray must first rack up a few more bitch points this evening by cooing insincerely that of course they understand what teamwork's about, but "Artie understands, don't you, Artie?" Thus put so uncomfortably on the spot, Artie obviously stifles his true feelings and meekly and too-casually shrugs, "It's cool -- anything that takes away from our rehearsals doesn't serve the team." T-T-T-Tina shoots him a despairing Look Fraught With Significance, but remains silent as the bell rings to signal the end of the period. The others, including T-T-T-Tina, shuffle towards the exits, but Artie hangs back to struggle with his recalcitrant shoelace. Mr. Schue immediately gets to his knees for an assist, all the while apologizing for the others' blatant insensitivity, but Artie insists it's okay, and that he's used to it, and that "they just don't get it" before wondering if he could use the auditorium for a private rehearsal of his own that afternoon. Mr. Schue nods his curly head, so Artie wheels off into...

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Glee

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