I'm baaaack! Filling in for my very old colleague Demian (who was fooling himself if he thought that crack would get by me). I owe him for that. And for sticking me with this Stevie Wonder crapfest.
So, Burt's finished his course of treatment for his cancer, and Kurt heads back to Lima to go to the doctor with him to get his diagnosis/prognosis. Kurt's freaking out (as one would), and he's developing some scary OCD tendencies. But it turns out that the news is good and Burt's in complete remission. However, the visit gives Blaine the opportunity to make goo-goo eyes at Kurt and he goes so far as to ask Burt's permission to propose to Kurt. Burt remains the only truly sane adult on this show, as he reminds Blaine that he's just a little boy who should not remotely be thinking about marriage yet. So Blaine converts his proposal into a request that Kurt stick around for Regionals.
In New York, Rachel is getting ready for her call back for Funny Girl. Cassandra July learns about the audition, and she threatens to make Rachel's life hell to screw with her. But it's all a well-intentioned con, as Cassandra July converts Rachel's mid-term exam into a celebration of her success… because that's the Fake Theater School tradition.
Rachel has called Will to tell him about her audition, which somehow convinces Will that the week should be dedicated to the music of the frankly bland Stevie Wonder. He claims they'll perform the songs of Mr. Wonder at Regionals, but we all know not one word of this will be remembered by the next episode. However, it is an excuse to bring Mercedes and Mike Chang back to help the kiddies prepare for Regionals. While they're at McKinley, Mercedes loses her record deal because she's neither skinny enough nor slutty enough to move units. And Mercedes and Mike Chang convince New Puck that he's a triple threat who should step up and lead the New Directions. And Pretty Kitty discovers that Artie is going to turn down his film school acceptance, so she takes every opportunity to confront him about it until he finally admits to his mother (Katey Sagal!) that he's scared to leave her, and she pushes him to get off his ass and go to the Brooklyn Film Academy. Hmmm, I wonder if that's near Bushwick?
Featuring seven painful Stevie Wonder songs. Actually, I liked three of them. You'll have to guess which ones. Links to come in the full recap.
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We open on the Improbably Bohemian Bushwick Loft, where Rachel is making herself some tea and talking on the phone with Will, who's in the teachers' lounge at McKinley. She's called to tell him that she just had her callback for Funny Girl, and she's one of only three actors up for the role of Fanny Brice. She wants to give all the credit to him, since she auditioned with the song that Finn selected and arranged back when Will had stated his intention to quit teaching forever. Which makes me wonder why she's not giving the credit to Finn. But let's just ignore all that and pretend that Will is really the one who launched Rachel in her career. And that saccharine phone call gives Will an idea for the week's lesson. Since he clearly didn't have anything planned before this.
Music room. Will writes "Wonder-ful" on the board. He tells the kids about Rachel's good news, and further tells them the wonderful news that Brit-Brit is touring MIT because she's been accepted. Even more wonderfully, Will re-proposed to Emma off-camera, and she accepted. How did this emotionally stunted man-child propose to her without the assistance of his teenage minions? Tina also has good news, which is that she's wait-listed at the Columbus College of Veterinary Medicine. So the writers are planning to literally bury Tina in bullshit? Anyway, all this wonderful news has made Will decide that this week the kids will sing the songs of Stevie Wonder. He claims that this theme will carry through to Regionals next week, but we all know that's a tremendous lie. Title card.
Pretty Kitty chases Artie down the hallway, demanding to know why he's so depressed. He claims not to know what she's talking about, and she tells him that he's depressed because he wants to have sex with her since it will never happen. Artie tells him he wasn't thinking about that, but he's happy to have another reason to be depressed -- which means he's fallen into Pretty Kitty's trap, given that he's now admitted that he's depressed. So he comes clean and tells her that he's been admitted to the Fictional Brooklyn Film School. But he's not going, even though he won't tell her the reason. And he asks her to shut her Pretty Kitty pie hole. Has asking her to shut up ever worked? Ever?