Episode Report Card
LTG: C+ | 4 USERS: B
The Incredible Kurt's Wonder Bone

Demian's Ancestral Homeland. Kurt is crossing off another day in his Men of McKinley calendar, while his voice-over tells us that it's two days until his father gets his test results after his course of treatment for his prostate cancer. You know, the illness that has been barely mentioned in the previous ten episodes? That one. Anyway, Kurt plans to head back to Lima to be with Burt when it's time to meet with the doctor. We also learn that Kurt is becoming more mentally ill than he otherwise might have been. He'll only wear light blue socks, since that's the color of the clear skies he's hoping for. And he feels compelled to touch his nose three times at fourteen and twenty-eight past the hour. The symbolism of that is never explained. Kurt, luggage in tow, strides out of the Improbably Bohemian Bushwick Loft...

And straight into the Hallowed Halls of McKinley High. Not only is he going to Lima to be with his father -- he's going to hang out with "everyone. And Blaine, of course." Kurt promises us he has no plans to hook up with Blaine on this trip. Kurt, Burt's brush with death is supposed to help you realize that you need to live every day like it's your last. By which I mean, you need to hit it with that over-gelled dream boy! During Kurt's voiceover, we learn that Mercedes and Mike Chang are also at McKinley for the week.

The New Directions alum all run into the music room just as Pretty Kitty sings "Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours," with New Puck and New Finn backing her up. People have asked me why I'm not a fan of Mr. Wonder's music. I won't deny that almost every one of his songs has a great hook. But it's like nobody ever talked to him about ever varying the tempo or intensity of a song, or including a bridge. It's one great hook and a couple of great verses, repeated over and over again. And this song is a prime example of that. I will note that Pretty Kitty spends most of the song making eyes at Artie, and at one point basically straddles his face with her crotch.

As the song finishes, she announces to everybody that Artie was accepted into Fictional Brooklyn Film School. See, Artie? I told you that asking her to keep a secret was pointless. Artie doesn't say anything about her announcement, which gives Mercedes the opening to tell Pretty Kitty that her performance was good, but not great. Pretty Kitty blows this criticism off as coming from a has-been, but Will enlightens everyone that Mercedes has been invited back to serve as a vocal coach as the team prepares for Regionals. Also, Kurt points out that Mercedes is no has-been -- she has a new album coming out, and is in town to film a video for it. As you might guess, Mike Chang is in town to choreograph for Regionals. Which is news that Tina finds distressing because apparently #gleehatesgirls. Tina asks Kurt if he's there to lecture them on their fashion sense. Kurt: "My dad has cancer." Well, that shut her up. Mercedes takes over the rehearsal.

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