Glory Days
Clowning Glory

Episode Report Card
admin: D+ | Grade It Now!
Clowns and...uh, Clowns

"Tonight's WB Mystery is going to freak the living fuck out of your kids. They're going to say they're okay afterwards but then tomorrow they're going out behind the garage to set all kinds of random shit on fire. Or else they're going to repress the memory of this episode and in eight years they'll remember it while doing acid, which they actually wouldn't have tried if they'd never seen this episode, and the sudden recollection of this episode will make them spend sixteen hours cowering fully clothed in a bathtub grinding their teeth and shrieking and they'll drop out of school and become itinerant telemarketers until they're at least twenty-eight. Parental discretion is advised."

There's another carnival in Glory tonight. Oh, yay. There's a fun house with a big clown face over the entrance; clowns juggling; clowns making balloon animals, and calliope music deedley-deedley-deedleying a merry tune, and I can feel the belly laughs coming on already, except without, you know, the laughing part. Mike has bought a brown paper bag of peanuts or something, or maybe it's just for puking in, and he sits down on a bench next to Ellie. Ellie: "I hate clowns. They're evil and they're scary and they creep me out." Mike says she's changing the subject -- the subject being that he's given her the first two chapters of his new book, and she's the first one to read them, and he really wants to know what she thinks. Ellie promises she'll get around to reading them. You can understand why Ellie would want to change the subject to clowns. Even if there WEREN'T a whole assload of clowns milling around, you'd want to change the subject to clowns. Speaking of clowns, one comes up and honks his Honky-Horn of Hilarity in Ellie's ear. "Go away! Go!" she yells, shooing him away. "Hey, what's your thing with clowns anyway?" asks Mike. Ellie says that if a traveling troupe of clowns is the Chamber of Commerce's idea of bringing happiness back to Glory, then someone should shoot her. They walk off.

Nearby, a couple of slacker dudes are lighting cigarettes. "C'mon, man, Tino's waiting," says one, and starts walking away, but the other guy stays and this one clown with KISS-inspired makeup and one of those David Lee Crosby-inspired bald-crown wigs comes up to him. "You supposed to be one of them scary clowns?" asks Slacker Guy, and maybe it's because of the way the clown makes a "chug-a-lug" drinking gesture, or maybe it's because the balloon animal he's carrying looks remarkably like a bong, but Slacker Guy decides to go off somewhere with Scary Clown. Scary Clown leads him down a dark alleyway and brandishes a balloon sword and playfully pokes Slacker Guy with it. Slacker is not impressed and pops the balloon with his cigarette. Scary Clown turns his back to him and whips out a real machete. "What do you do with that?" mutters Slacker, like a fucking idiot. We see Scary Clown's hand raising the machete; machete goes fffwwwhip!

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Glory Days




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