Glory Days
Clowning Glory

Episode Report Card
Wendola: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Clowns and...uh, Clowns

Sam waits tables at the Hash 'n' Whore and brings a plate over to a studly young guy clown; I mean, studly as clowns go. Stud Clown beckons Sam to come closer and he pulls a paper flower out of her ear. "Darlin', tell me what your name is." Sam says her first name is "Not," and her last name is "Interested," which we know is a lie; her last name is "All That." She marches off to serve another table and runs straight into Clown Corbin, or Clown Corbin's clown clone, though actually he's allegedly the clone of that other clown, and oh, fuck, I hate this show. Sam's plates clatter to the floor and Clown Whoever bends down to try and help her. Sam shoos him away, annoyed, and Hazel comes over, and Clown Whoever apologizes, all flustered, and runs out of the diner. Sam realizes that her necklace is gone. "That stupid clown! He must have stolen it!" she whines.

Nighttime at the Clown Carnival; Rudy and Dim are in the fun house, which had to have been decorated by Doug on Trading Spaces while in a particularly manic and narcissistic crystal-meth rage. ["Is there any other kind of Doug room, really? I mean, the Pullman car? Not conceived by a happy, sober man." -- Wing Chun] Rudy and Dim look at each other in fun-house mirrors and Dim offers him some gum. "I chew when I get nervous," she says. "What's making you nervous? Clowns?" asks Rudy. "No -- just you," says Dim, smiling dimly. Meanwhile, Sara, Mike, and Ellie are trying to walk, with great difficulty, through the Spinning Tunnel O' Queasy -- or, if you're Doug, the "living room" -- and noting that Dim and Rudy are hitting it off. More scary clowns. More insecure flirting. Dim goes off somewhere with Sara, and Rudy tries to find her. Mike and Ellie find themselves in a hall of mirrors, and Mike tries to ask her about the chapters of his damn book. "You think I got something special?" he asks. "Uh...special...unique. Uniquely special," Ellie says hesitantly. "You really like them?" Mike asks. "Because I thought you were avoiding me because you hated them and didn't want to tell me," he says, and while he's checking himself out in a funhouse mirror Ellie totally ditches him. Rudy comes in all pissed because Dim decided to go home early. And outside the fun house, Ellie tells Deputy Tim that she's going home, too.

Ellie walks down a dark creepy alleyway, and the drunk clown clone of Clown Corbin calls out, "Hey, shexy!" "I have mace!" she yells. "No need for violence, I'm walking away," he says. "Walk faster!" Ellie shouts, and Drunk Clown Clone walks off down another alleyway, muttering. Ellie watches him go around the corner, and hears him yelling at someone else, and there's the sound of scuffling. Big shoes, you know, make a lot of scuffling noise. Ellie goes over and peers around the corner in time to see Scary Clown throw Drunk Clown Clone down. She hears the fffwwwhip! of the machete and sees the shadow Scary Clown slashing it through the air and then she sees Scary Clown grab Drunk Clown's severed head which, with its curly bright red hair, is remarkably portable, and scurries off, and jeez, I know it's hard for all the clowns to fit into that little car but that's kind of a drastic solution.

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Glory Days

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