Glory Days
Clowning Glory

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Wendola: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Clowns and...uh, Clowns

Meanwhile, at the police station, they've finally gotten the cop records on DickClown from the Chicago police department. Mike notices that the picture of DickClown without his makeup looks an awful lot like both of the non-clown victims. Rudy opens the Chicago file and reads aloud that DickClown was dismissed after psychiatric evaluations for having survivor's guilt due to the murder of his partner. "Whoa," says Rudy. "He found his partner decapitated." "That's it," says Mike. "He's killing out of guilt -- he's killing himself." They still don't know why Rufus the Clown Clone was killed, but Mike theorizes that he was The Clown That Knew Too Much. They decide to go to the motel....

...where DickClown has just finished putting on his Scary Clown makeup and Sam is still kneeling there waiting to get all killed. "That's better. Now, where was I?" he says. His machete clangs as he steps closer. Sam's like, "Please don't kill me," and she keeps kneeling there sniffling all pathetic, and finally she feels a hand on her shoulder and she completely loses her shit and screams and crawls across the floor, but it turns out that it's just the motel housekeeper; DickClown went off somewhere. That fast? Dude must have a unicycle.

Rudy and the cops show up, along with Mike, Ellie and Sara. Cops pack the clown heads into coolers: the heads appear to have been, like, shellacked or something. Ellie is explaining the same old stuff about homicidal survivor's guilt that we already figured out. "So he decapitates his lookalikes and turns them into clowns," says Mike. Big duh. Ellie tells Rudy that she ran a DNA test on the water glass he gave her and that it matches the chewing gum found on Rufus the Clown Clone's murder scene. Mike points out that Clown Clone's head isn't in the fridge; I guess they checked the lettuce crisper and everything. "This is one twisted psycho," says Mike. "Maybe two," says Rudy, who says that the water glass was Dim's. Everyone's like, the hell? Rudy says he thinks Dim is somehow connected to this ex-Chicago cop guy. "Wait, Chicago?" says Sara. She says that Dim's stepdad is a cop in Chicago. Everyone's like, "Bingo!" "If you were a killer clown, where would you be?" asks Mike. Um, drunk?

The fun house! Woohoo. Mike, Rudy, and Ellie run in, with no back-up cops whatsoever; like, what, Ellie's going to clobber killer clowns with her little shoe? Mike's going to annoy killer clowns into submission? Whatever. Oh, but then Mike points out that it's really stupid that they're going in while "back-up" is still on the way, but they go in anyway, because they're all stupid enough to think that self-referential stupidity is somehow less stupid than just plain stupid stupidity. Anyway, they're creeping around, and Ellie is freaked out, and behind her Scary Clown -- or one of them, at least -- is sneaking off somewhere else, and then Mike and Rudy and Ellie hear someone scraping a machete against a wall, and they walk towards the sound, and it's all mirrors and purple lights and sneaking Scary Clown, and Rudy draws his gun and goes ahead, and just then a machete cuts through the cardboard wall near Ellie and Rudy fires his gun and there's shooting and stupidity and sneaking Scary Clown feet and then finally Mike and Ellie go into this little circular room and come face-to-face with Scary Clown in a doorway. They call out to Rudy that they've found DickClown, and Rudy comes in and says that it isn't DickClown, it's Dim, and then Dim says, "Rudy! Stay out of this!" except we see that it's not Scary Clown talking, and just then Dim shows up in another doorway dressed up as another Scary Clown, and there are two Scary Clowns! "This is between me and him," says Scary Dim Clown, staring across the room at Scary DickClown. I think I'm just going to lie down now.

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Glory Days

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