Glory Days
Death, Lies And Videotape

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Wendola: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Spinsters and Stabbers

Rudy goes to the boathouse and tells Deputy Tim to shut down the ferry because they know where Braxton is. There's another knock on the door: it's Agent Trenchcoat, who followed Rudy. He's like, "What the hell?" when he sees Ellie, and Rudy explains that they've figured out who the killer is. "You stay here -- I'll get my men on it," says Trenchcoat, like the big doodyhead Fed he is, and he walks out. A moment later, there's another knock on the door, and Rudy opens it and it's Trenchcoat again, but this time he's got this huge knife in his back and he falls over dead. And then Mr. Serial Killer himself steps in. With a gun. Never mind that he's used a knife through the whole episode; no final ten minutes of Glory Days would be complete without Gun Fun! The gun-waving! The tackle! The struggle! The scramble! The misfire! The flesh wound! It's Rudy's! Yay Rudy! Whoa, except Rudy's actually unconscious. That's not how we usually play Gun Fun.

Mike and Ellie run. Mr. Serial Killer pulls the knife out of Trenchcoat's back and goes after them, yelling that he wasn't fooled by Ellie's fake death; he could tell that the burned body was a seventy-year-old cadaver. "And your performance, Mike, was very convincing...except to one who's been there," he yells. Mike and Ellie are hiding, and Mr. Serial Killer paces around trying to spot them. "Is that why you became a camera-happy psycho?" asks Mike. Mr. Serial Killer sees Mike and says, "Try seeing your wife getting her brains blown out by a carjacker on live TV," and then grabs Mike and hisses all kinds of psycho talk about killing Rudy and having Mike watch, and killing Mike and having Ellie watch. "You're going to see it live!" he says. Uh...yeah. Don't ever let this guy go on Temptation Island. Anyway, Mr. Serial Killer stabs Mike. This is definitely unorthodox, since Mike got the Gun Fun bullet last week. But then there's more Gun Fun, because before Mike can get killed, Rudy revives and shoots Mr. Serial Killer from way across the room and takes him down with just the one bullet. It turns out serial killers are Extra Killable, too.

Then it's all over and Rudy and Mike are squirming around and moaning from their little pussy-ass wounds that are so not going to kill them, and Ellie has to baby-sit them. Mike insists that he has to tell Ellie something. Ellie's like, "Not now," and Mike's like, "No, I'm weak from blood loss and hallucinating," and Ellie says he's not, and Mike says, "I have to take a stand...what if I told you that I think what's going on between us runs deeper than friendship?" and way to emotionally blackmail Ellie with all your bleeding and crap, Mike, and Ellie jokes that he is weak from blood loss, ha ha! And Mike smiles like a big idiot because he's made her really uncomfortable again. Meanwhile Rudy finds a little video camera in Mr. Serial Killer's hat. Wow, after all those pop-under ads, someone actually bought one of those fucking X10s. Hmm, he didn't use it for home security though; how odd.

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Glory Days

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