Glory Days
Death, Lies And Videotape

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Spinsters and Stabbers

Back at the counter, some guy walks up to Rudy and flashes a badge: "Agent John Keith, FBI." He's got the regulation trenchcoat and bug up his ass that all stock TV Feds have. Agent Trenchcoat asks to speak to Rudy in private, so they step away from the counter and go over to another part of the counter and stand right next to...oh, just some guy in a ski cap. Meanwhile, Sara has figured out that Agent Trenchcoat is from the FBI, and she goes over to sit near them and eavesdrop, which makes the bug in Agent Trenchcoat's ass all suspicious, so he and Sheriff Rudy leave the diner. Sara goes back to the booth and finds Mitzi chatting it up with some guy who has a chin dimple and big white teeth and a Clooney haircut; really he's an overdetermined signifier of "handsome bachelor." Mitzi introduces Handsome Bachelor to Sara and proceeds to drop hints like anvils: Handsome Bachelor is on vacation; Sara is single. Handsome Bachelor is a doctor; Sara is single. Mitzi all but makes Sara flash her tits. Sara is all embarrassed and mentions that she has to get back to the Gazette office to file a story. "You're a news reporter?" asks Handsome Bachelor. "Editor-in-Chief," says Sara. Sara leaves. Handsome Bachelor checks out her sad, lonely butt.

It's about at this point in the show that I notice a huge, Zane-shaped hole in the universe. Waah.

Police station. The Perky Secretary Who Has Little Nothing Scenes That I Never Mention In These Recaps is looking over the shoulder of some tech support guy who is fixing her computer. Tech Guy is taking forever to fix Perky Secretary's computer. Why am I mentioning this? Hell if I know.

Rudy's in his office talking to Agent Trenchcoat, who is saying that they're "alerting surrounding counties to a potential suspect in the area." Rudy asks if that has anything to do with the Seattle serial killer, and the bug in Agent Trenchcoat's ass takes offense: "We have yet to identify him as such." The most Agent Trenchcoat will tell Rudy about the suspect is that his name is Daniel Braxton and he was a prominent plastic surgeon in Seattle until he murdered a patient last year. "You have a picture?" asks Rudy. Agent Trenchcoat says it won't help, since Braxton changes his appearance after every murder. Um, okay. You mean he gives himself plastic surgery after every murder? Wouldn't that start to look, you know, weird, in a Michael Jackson kind of way? Have they at least checked to make sure the serial killer isn't Greta Van Susteren? Anyway, all they can say about Braxton is that he's six feet tall, muscular, 180 lbs. "That's most of the men on this island," says Rudy. "And half the women," adds Deputy Tim. I think we like Deputy Tim. Agent Trenchcoat starts laying on the old Nasty Fed blah blah blah and he doesn't want some good ole boys messing up the investigation blah blah and to keep this quiet. Rudy defensively says, "We run a tight ship here in Glory." But then Agent Trenchcoat opens the door and Mike and Sara are there, announcing that they're from the Glory Gazette, asking questions and being annoying tag-team style. Agent Trenchcoat looks at Rudy. "You let the press just wander around your office? Tight ship, sheriff." He leaves. Rudy has a total, nostril-flaring hissyfit at Mike and Sara.

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Glory Days

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