They throw Mike in the jail cell. With Rudy. Aww yeah. Mike tells Rudy he confessed to murdering Dead Date, and tells him how he impersonated Rudy and blah blah blah. Rudy gets just how wrong this is. THIS is why everybody loves Rudy. Then Mike tells Rudy he's doing all this because he feels bad for calling Rudy a big dumb homo in his book. "Will you stop apologizing for the last five years of my life?" yells Rudy. Mike insists that he's thanking Rudy for the first twenty-one years of his own life instead: "You're the best friend I ever had, and it's time I returned the favor." Well, prison life is all about favors.
Rudy's free to go. He goes to meet Piranhica at the Hash 'n' Whore dressed up in a pea coat and turtleneck and introduces himself as Mike. The whole Clutch Cargo look really works on Rudy, I have to say.
Sam and Zane. Ambivalence ahoy. Can I please sit this round out? Please? Thanks.
Piranhica and Rudy. Hazel comes over and quickly catches on to the Rudy-Mike switcheroo thing. Piranhica is rude once again to Hazel; Hazel glares at Piranhica; the air crackles with negative hussy energy. Piranhica tells "Mike" that she met "Rudy" the night before. "The thing is, I didn't get a gay vibe at all," she says. "If anything, you're more effeminate than he is." She goes on to ask "Mike" if he's ever going to write a second book or if he was just a one-hit wunderkind, and if he is he shouldn't worry, because the book wasn't that great anyway, and actually, his book sucked, and anyway, how can he sleep at night knowing he wrote that stuff about his best friend? "Mike" changes the subject to fun stuff, like Dead Date. Piranhica says that the night Dead Date died, she was at her mother's house watching Judging Amy; she says she was on a dating hiatus. "Mike" asks why. "Two words: restraining order," says Piranhica, who says that Personal Howard has been stalking her. She says that he was bugging Dead Date, too, and wouldn't take no for an answer. "I really thought he was going to kill me," says Piranhica. Rudy is stunned. But, okay, if there really was a restraining order, wouldn't Rudy have seen it? Wouldn't Rudy have run a background check on Personal Howard by now? Couldn't they have figured all this out half an hour ago? Couldn't I have been free to get on with my life? Couldn't I have gotten in the winning bid on that eBay auction that closed at 8:30? Damn you, Continuity Editor, you owe me an Enid Collins handbag.