Glory Days
Everybody Loves Rudy

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Wendola: C | Grade It Now!
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Dates and Dorks

At the Glory Island Gazette office, Mike tells Mitzi and Sara what happened, and says that Personal Howard is being a big doodyhead. They all decide that firing Personal Howard wouldn't be a good idea because he could destroy the files that they want to see, and apparently the whole, um, United States legal system has ceased to exist seeing as how Rudy's been arrested, or maybe it hasn't, seeing as how Rudy's been, you know, arrested, and oh, that's all so confusing, and isn't a subpoena like, a form that you have to like, fill out, and what drawer did Rudy keep the damn things in anyway, so anyway as far as they're concerned their only option whatsoever is to hatch a sneaky, low-down plot on Personal Howard.

Mitzi lures Personal Howard out of his office by asking him, with much cooing and booty-waggling, to change a light bulb in the newsroom. He follows her out. Total porno music plays. Personal Howard gets out a stool and stands on it to get to the light bulb. Meanwhile, Sara sneaks into his office. Mitzi hands Personal Howard the bulb, and her hand brushes against his trousers. I suppose I could make a joke about how many tertiary characters in goofy comic-relief sequences it takes to screw in a light bulb, but I don't think I have the energy. Sara sits at Howard's desk and types madly to access the files. Personal Howard changes the bulb, and then Mitzi grabs his legs while he's still on the stool so his whole, you know, Personal Howard-ness is practically in her face. She murmurs that his eyes are so brown, and pulls him down and all but gives him a lapdance. Sara sneaks out of his office with the info, Mitzi drops the Mrs. Robinson act, Personal Howard feels dirty, and I go blind.

Jail. Hazel brings pillows for Rudy and offers to bring meals from the diner. Mike butts in (you know, I have the phrase "Mike butts in" set on Autotext on MS Word now) and sits down in Rudy's cell and shoos Hazel out. Mike asks Rudy more questions about Dead Date. Just then, District Chief Officer Nasty McHardass comes by and kicks Mike out and gets all snippy about Rudy getting pillows in his cell and conjugal visits or whatever with Mike, and in the middle of McHardass's dickyfit (that would be a male hissyfit), Deputy Tim comes by to say that he's questioned Dead Date's neighbors: one of them reported that the only person with a key to Dead Date's place was a Veronica Roberts, who'd recently had a falling-out with Date over some guy. I've figured out what's so cool about Deputy Tim: it's that his whole performance seems to be a homage to The Kids in the Hall cops. I mean, without it being derivative. It's very sweet. Anyway, Chief McHardass has no response. "It sounds like a promising lead, doesn't it?" Rudy asks him. "I'll get on it," McHardass mutters. He slams the door to Rudy's cell with a big clang. Because you know Rudy can't get enough of that.

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Glory Days

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