At the Hash 'n' Whore, Hazel brings a glass of water to some fish-faced chick at a booth who says, witheringly, "Never hold a glass near the rim. I don't appreciate the bacteria." Fish-face shoves the glass back. Hazel glares at her and takes the glass away. "Veronica Roberts?" asks a man who has approached the booth. "You must be Sheriff Dunlop," she says, as he sits down, and it's uh, Mike, in Rudy's uniform and big sheriff's hat. He so does not have the head for it. "Call me Rudy," he says.
Janet Jackson takes the stage with a troupe of dancers. "All for you," she says. "If you really want it," the dancers add. She boogies to the left. "All for you," she says. She turns to the right. "All for you." It's not clear whether this is also taking place at the Hash 'n' Whore, or what. Maybe Rudy brewed himself some of that weird prison toilet-bowl hooch and has passed out and is having a vivid, hallucinatory and very gay dream about Janet. Or maybe, it's somehow part of the whole switching-identities plot: like if Mike is going around being Rudy, maybe now Rudy has to be Janet. Or Miss Jackson, if you're nasty. Or something. Janet and her dancers dance in a triangle formation. Then in a staggered line formation. She skips; the dancers vogue. Then she vogues and the dancers skip. I am so lost.
I just have to add that the commercials on the WB affiliate in Los Angeles are somehow way more interesting than the ones on WGN. Ooh! Jessica, what's Foster Farms? We don't have that brand of chicken here! Is it good? Is it?
Back at the diner, Veronica -- or really, "Piranhica," since she seems not only to be fish-faced but really nasty -- is telling Mike-in-Rudy-Drag that she knows who he is from the book Glory Days: "The repressed homosexual best friend so broken by repression that he'll never amount to anything, right?" Mike wants to change the subject, and asks Piranhica about Dead Date -- if they'd ever fought. Piranhica says no. Hazel comes up with a glass of water teetering on a tray. "Hey 'Rudy,'" she says to Mike. Piranhica tells her to stop hovering. "You have to be up front with service-industry people," she explains to Mike. Hazel glares at her with her special Hussy Death Ray and walks off.
A few booths down, Zane is on a date with Flirty Cheerleader. Cheerleader laughs at Zane's joke. Sam walks by and glances over at them. Cheerleader asks Zane about Sam; Zane says they're just, um, you know, friends. "Do I detect a yearning?" asks Cheerleader. Um, does Cheerleader even watch this show?