Glory Days
Everybody Loves Rudy

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Dates and Dorks

At the other table, Piranhica keeps bringing up the way Rudy was portrayed in Mike's book, and Mike-As-Rudy wants to change the subject. "I know if a friend ever betrayed me like that," says Piranhica, "I'd want to kill the bitch." Mike-As-Rudy says it's a good thing Dead Date never betrayed Piranhica.

Meanwhile Zane and Cheerleader giggle some more and it doesn't bother Sam, not one bit, nope, no sirree, not when there's all this interesting stuff up on the ceiling she can look at.

Mike excuses himself from the booth and talks to Hazel. He says now he thinks the killer's Piranhica, but he's out of his league trying to question her. "I need Rudy," he says.

At Ellie's Kreepy Koroner Kottage, Mike breaks in through the front door. Actually, I'm not sure whether we're even supposed to know it's Mike at first, but who else ever fucking breaks into her house? Ellie's like his David Letterman. Mike finds the evidence bag that holds the knife that killed Dead Date; Ellie comes in with a baseball bat. Ellie screams at Mike, for only about a fifth of a second, and then, for the rest of the scene, actually talks to him like he's a reasonable person or something. Mike pockets the knife and says that if he steals it, nobody can convict Rudy. "I guess in your twisted world, two wrongs make a right," says Ellie. Oh, like Mike ever stops at two wrongs. Wrongs are like Camel Cash to Mike. Anyway, Mike says that he's desperate: "The only person on this island who has a chance of clearing Rudy is Rudy, and he's locked in a jail cell. We need to get him out." Ellie seems to think this is a good idea.

Police station. Chief McHardass walks into an interrogation room where Mike, Deputy Tim, Ellie, and Perky Secretary are gathered, and is all, "What the hell?" Mike says he's just confessed to murdering Dead Date. McHardass says he's crazy; the murder weapon has Rudy's prints on it. Ellie pipes up and says she re-examined the knife. "I made a mistake -- it has Mike's prints on it instead." She tosses a knife wrapped in paper to McHardass. Even from across the room you can tell it's so not the same knife. You know they just went into the coffee room and grabbed the knife they use to cut the crappy office-party cakes. ["Although we know from ER that sometimes the knife they use to cut the crappy office-party cakes can also be murder weapons." -- Wing Chun] "That's not even the same knife," says McHardass. Jeez, even he can tell. They probably just stuck a spork in there. That would be great. "Looks like the same knife to me," says Deputy Tim. "Me too," says Perky Secretary. McHardass fumes that they're obstructing justice and tampering with evidence, which they totally are, because somehow they all caught Mike's raging case of Wrongitis; they're all now raging Wrongaholics; they're all high after taking huge hits from Mike's Wrong Bong, and they all just totally agree when Mike tells McHardass that they're all trying make the murder investigation more legitimate. Deputy Tim looks McHardass in the eye and tells him to let Rudy go. McHardass tries to grab the knife, and Perky Secretary snatches it up. "We're a feisty bunch here in Glory," she says. Welcome to Glory, population: Wrong.

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Glory Days

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