Glory Days

Episode Report Card
Wendola: B- | 542 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Freaks and Ferries

We meet the rest of the Dolan family at the Glory Gazette. Sara, the oldest sister, is on the phone saying all sorts of Important Newspaper-y Things about the ferryboat incident, like "I want to scoop Seattle on this story." Ma Dolan flutters around with a bottle of toner. Mike and Sam walk in. Everyone falls silent. Ma Dolan throws toner on Mike, but she doesn't really mean it. Sara hates Mike's book and thinks he's the biggest snot since Dave Eggers. Sam defends Mike by saying he was just dealing with their dad's death and wrote a book as "therapeutic exorcism." Ma Dolan seems to be a decent enough mom. She was the mom in Titanic, so pretty much everyone in modern western civilization won't have much trouble believing her as a mom.

Elsewhere, Ellie the medical examiner is performing the autopsy on Mr. Bowers, the ferryboat guy. She obviously studied at the Dana Scully School for Sultry Scientific Detachment. She applies cyanoacrylate on the dead guy's ass. No, I don't know what "cyanoacrylate" is, but see, she's "fuming for crystallization on lower right torso," which sounds like the scientific term for "freeze-drying the guy's ass," or whatever, but anyway somehow she's able to figure out that there are possible fingerprints on the Bowers' butt, which means...someone spanked him to death? Oh, I guess it means that there's possible evidence he was pushed off the ferry. You mean they can figure shit like that out, even after the body's been in the water and all chopped up by the propellers and stuff? That blows my mind. I think I'm just going to watch TLC from now on. Anyway, the fingerprints seem to blow Ellie's mind, too.

More local "wacky" hijinks: dead fish in the public mailbox. Yeah, yeah. Call me when the fish start turning up in coffee percolators.

Mike waits outside Sheriff Rudy's office next to Barry Bowers, the kid of the dead guy. Mike tells the kid that he knows what he must be going through, and that Mike was on the ferry, too. Dude, Mike seems to be wearing more and more makeup with each scene. With his hair, he's starting to look like a husky Joan Jett. Mike notices that Barry has a broken finger; Barry explains that he just tripped and fell during basketball. "Just like my dad...he tripped, and took a fall," says Barry. Mike asks Barry if he's sure his dad just fell overboard accidentally. "Do you know something I don't?" says Barry. Oh, Jesus. Okay, Mike? When some total stranger's dad dies and you want to be all sympathetic and helpful, you don't feed the poor kid MURDER THEORIES. You feed him a nice TUNA CASSEROLE. Now shut up. Meanwhile, Sheriff Rudy is in his office on the phone with Ellie, hearing about the possibly incriminating fingerprints. He says he'll check out the prints when they're ready, and hangs up. He looks out and sees Mike in the waiting room talking to Barry, all, "So, did your dad have any enemies?" Rudy's eyes pop out in horror. His eyes do that a lot on this show, actually. Before he can bitch-slap Mike's pouty Mary Kay face, Mrs. Bowers shows up, and Rudy has to interview her and her son.

Glory Days

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