Back at the police station, Zane the school flasher explains to Sheriff Rudy that he exposed himself to stop rumors that he was a hermaphrodite and "penile challenged." "How would you like it if somebody said you were something you're not, Sheriff?" asks Zane. Sheriff Rudy's face twitches with recognition. "Everyone suffers the embarrassment of an untruth at some point," he says stoically. "Well, you're a bigger man than me," says Zane. Heh, he said "bigger man." Just then, Hazel busts in, because she's Zane's mom. "The school called me!" she yells. "What's this about an overexposed penis?!" She shouts "penis" desperately, as if it could make the show edgier. Hazel's mad as hell and wants Zane to be locked up. "It was just a misunderstanding," explains Sheriff Rudy. "Don't be so hard on him." Heh, he said "hard on him." Yeah. It's come down to this: ten minutes in and I have to make dick jokes. Sorry.
We meet the rest of the Dolan family at the Glory Gazette. Sara, the oldest sister, is on the phone saying all sorts of Important Newspaper-y Things about the ferryboat incident, like "I want to scoop Seattle on this story." Ma Dolan flutters around with a bottle of toner. Mike and Sam walk in. Everyone falls silent. Ma Dolan throws toner on Mike, but she doesn't really mean it. Sara hates Mike's book and thinks he's the biggest snot since Dave Eggers. Sam defends Mike by saying he was just dealing with their dad's death and wrote a book as "therapeutic exorcism." Ma Dolan seems to be a decent enough mom. She was the mom in Titanic, so pretty much everyone in modern western civilization won't have much trouble believing her as a mom.
Elsewhere, Ellie the medical examiner is performing the autopsy on Mr. Bowers, the ferryboat guy. She obviously studied at the Dana Scully School for Sultry Scientific Detachment. She applies cyanoacrylate on the dead guy's ass. No, I don't know what "cyanoacrylate" is, but see, she's "fuming for crystallization on lower right torso," which sounds like the scientific term for "freeze-drying the guy's ass," or whatever, but anyway somehow she's able to figure out that there are possible fingerprints on the Bowers' butt, which means...someone spanked him to death? Oh, I guess it means that there's possible evidence he was pushed off the ferry. You mean they can figure shit like that out, even after the body's been in the water and all chopped up by the propellers and stuff? That blows my mind. I think I'm just going to watch TLC from now on. Anyway, the fingerprints seem to blow Ellie's mind, too.