Glory Days
Grim Ferrytale

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Wendola: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Freaks and Ferries

Rudy tells Mike to keep his overwrought-prose-typing hands out of the criminal investigation. Mike's like, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey! Let's go interrogate Barry's science teacher, who's just walked into the diner!" Mike thinks that Barry's dad was abusive, and that Barry killed him, and that Mr. Biggs, the teacher, might have some clues. "We need probable cause, Rudy," says Mike. Rudy says that Mike doesn't know what he's talking about, and that his book sucked, but then Mike's still all, "Aw! Come on! Can't I help you find out who murdered Bowers?" And Rudy says, "No!" And Mike's like, "Okay, but can I help you find out who murdered Bowers?" And Rudy says, "No!" And then Mike goes, "Okay, but I'm just going to go find out who murdered Bowers," and Rudy and the rest of us just stare at Mike in disbelief, and we remember back when Eddie Cahill was on Felicity and played that scary drug addict boyfriend guy who kept calling Molly and calling her even though she kept telling him not to call, but he'd call anyway, and then she'd tell him that she was getting off drugs and didn't want to see him anymore, and then he'd show up with drugs, and Molly would break up with him some more and then he'd call again, and finally he'd be crying and psycho and freaking everybody the hell out and it slowly dawns on us that in this show Eddie Cahill's playing the same guy, except without the drugs, and then we realize he was way less annoying with the drugs.

Anyway, by now Mike's gone completely off the deep end, bingeing on mystery: shooting up mystery, snorting bad plot lines, rubbing intrigue over his gums. Sara finds Mike completely strung out at the Glory Gazette, where he says he's "sort of accidentally stolen" snapshots taken on the ferry, and now he's just written a front-page story stating that the Gazette "has obtained photos that prove Bowers was murdered," and even though in truth the photos don't show anything, it's all part of his big plan for luring the killer, who will try to get the photos back, and this is a really good idea, and God sometimes comes down in the form of a cheese sandwich and talks to him. Like, he's that high. Sara's like, "Uh, let's not run the fake story and commit federal offenses such as obstruction of justice," but, oh, she just has a bunch of unresolved sibling issues, so never mind her, even though she's the editor-in-chief at the paper. So Mike just goes behind her back and tells the printer to run the story, because Sara really needs to lighten up.

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Glory Days

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