Glory Days
Miss Fortune Teller

Episode Report Card
admin: C | Grade It Now!
Mystics and Lipsticks

Evening at Hazel's Hash 'n' Whore Diner. Some guy in a booth is having his palm read while his girlfriend looks on. Sam is there in the booth, too, and I swear to God when I first saw this scene I thought, "What the hell is Sam doing hanging around with these trashy old people?" because I couldn't tell that the guy and his girlfriend were supposed to be in HIGH SCHOOL; like, I thought the woman was maybe one of Hazel's friends, because she has that stripper-who's- seen-it-all look to her and apparently hits the Clairol Frost 'n' Tip a little too hard, but oh, well. The fortune-teller chick tells the guy that she sees a beautiful woman in his life, and the guy leers at her and asks if it's a "hot older palm reader," and I totally choke on my Diet Coke when he says "older," but oh, well. And, hey, wasn't this same fortune-teller lady also a psychic on Charmed? I guess she's just the WB's all-purpose mystical kook? She tells the guy that she sees he has hostility toward women. "You can see that in his palm?" asks Sam. "No, I can see that in his eyes," says the fortune-teller. The guy gets pissed, calls the fortune-teller a "freakshow," and walks out. "Stan, wait!" calls his girlfriend, who I'll call "Frosty." The fortune-teller -- who I'll call...I don't know, the only fitting variant on "Miss Cleo" I can come up with is "Miss Creepo," all right? -- says, "That'll be five dollars." Frosty hands Miss Creepo the money, and Miss Creepo suddenly grabs her hand and predicts "pain" and "great suffering," and, huh, for some reason the palms of my hands are tingling, but anyway, Frosty yanks her hand away, and then Miss Creepo walks off.

Zane comes over and says Miss Creepo read his palm and predicted "an amazing lip-lock with the girl of [his] dreams." Sam ignores him and asks Frosty why she's with Stan if he's so hostile. "Duh," says Frosty, "he's the starting quarterback," and am I missing something here? Is "starting quarterback" a euphemism for "amazing huge penis full of money"? At any rate, Frosty leaves to go after Stan, and runs out into the parking lot, which seems to double as an abandoned shipyard. Frosty calls, "Stan! You're such a jerk! Stan?" Someone whispers her name. "Stan? Is that you?" she calls. She turns around and...oh, it's just some hooded predator who grabs Frosty and pulls her coat off. Frosty's all "Aieee! Yeaauggh!" for some reason. She manages to escape and runs to her car -- which, unlike the restaurant is twice as far away and also not filled with all kinds of helpful people who'll call the police, but, whatever, I guess she's more of a car person, and then she tries to start the car but she can't find her keys. And then Hooded Predator's black-gloved hand taps on the window and dangles Frosty's keys, and then smashes the glass. And then Frosty gets pulled out of the car by the driver's-side window, which, if you'll remember, is exactly how Daisy Duke used to get out of cars on The Dukes of Hazzard, except, of course, without all the dragging and kicking and screaming and struggling-for-life stuff.

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Glory Days




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