Glory Days
Miss Fortune Teller

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Wendola: C | Grade It Now!
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Mystics and Lipsticks

Then there's a commercial for Maybelline lipstick. Maybelline! Maybe she's born with it! Maybe SHE'S GOING TO DIE IF SHE DOESN'T WEAR IT.

At the police station, Rudy's just found out that none of Loser's fingerprints match those at the crime scene. Mike's like, "So what?" Rudy explains that now they don't have cause to get a warrant to search Loser's house. Mike's like, "Why don't we just break in?" Rudy's like, "No! Oh, okay, but don't get caught." The ACLU collectively sighs and takes some Maalox. The deputy reports that Stan, the football jerk, is a suspect. Remember Stan? From like, the first five minutes of the show? It turns out Stan has an Albuterol inhaler prescription. Remember the inhaler? From the first five minutes of the show? Yeah.

Dolan house. Some neighbors have come over to be with Mitzi to offer their love and support and, I presume, not to check out the firefighter's calendar. "Someone's here to see you," Sara tells Mitzi. It's Zane, looking grief-stricken as all hell, with Hazel, wearing the kind of leopard-skin-patterned fake fur coat that an occasion such as this calls for. "We made some...some flyers," says Zane. "Look, I...I screwed up. But I'm so sorry." His voice breaks. Aww. Hazel explains that Zane got all his friends together to pass out the flyers. "I know it's not much, but we couldn't think of anything else to do." One of the neighbors mutters that Hazel's got some nerve waltzing in with that son of hers. Hazel does her patented Lowering Her Eyes In Fallen-Woman Shame thing. "I am so sorry," she says. "We don't want to cause you any more grief." She and Zane turn to leave, but Mitzi calls Zane back, asking to see the flyer. Zane starts crying, and Mitzi hugs him and comforts him. Hazel tears up. Mitzi tears up. I want horrible things to happen to Mitzi and Hazel every week just so I can see the Mitzi and Hazel Unspoken Grief Excellent Acting Extravaganza. And then I want Grams from Dawson's Creek to come over with a turkey tetrazzini and make them feel better.

Back in the Cellar of Taffeta Death, Frosty and Sam cover the dead girl's body with dresses while Frosty babbles, "He's going to kill us...he's going to make us real pretty, and then kill us...I want a future! A career in fashion, a bad marriage, an ugly divorce...." Sam tells her to shut up, and says that they won't have a future if they don't get out of there. Somehow, the stress of the past five minutes has made their hair a lot greasier. They manage to pry the boards off the window and break the glass, but there's a grate over the window that won't come off.

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Glory Days

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