Opening credits. I'm still trying to decide how I feel about that theme song by Tricky.
It's morning at the Not The Double 'R' Diner, and Ellie "Not Scully" Sparks is writing in her "Not The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer diary." Mike comes over and sits at her booth uninvited. He tells her about the freaky demon piano prodigy kid. Ellie mentions that she's seen The Exorcist about "five million times." "So you do believe in demonic possession, then?" asks Mike. Ellie says duh, she's a doctor, and her guess is that the kid is doing it as a way to deal with "the proverbial demons of teen angst." Mike takes that as a cue to start psychoanalyzing Ellie, and she's not amused. Mike's all quippy quip-quip and Ellie's all snippy snip-snip; they banter, they blather, and it's all fine and dandy until someone loses an eye, and that would be me, you know, trying to gouge mine out with the TiVo remote.
Meanwhile, Hazel is over at the counter pouring coffee, and her son Zane is following her around, and what's with all the Zs in the names of all these secondary characters anyhow? Zane is trying to talk his mom into trying out for some musical. "I have no desire to do community theatre!" says Hazel, and Zane's all, "But you've only been talking about it for the last few weeks," and Hazel says she'll be damned if she's going to walk into a school auditorium and put herself up for ridicule by "Mitzi Dolan and her fanged friends," and they go back and forth this way for like, forever, and then slowly I begin to understand what the Zs are for: zzzzzzzz. But then Hazel practically shouts that SHE SLEPT WITH MITZI'S HUSBAND and so everyone hates her, so, well, I guess that's kind of interesting. Then Zane says, "Mom! But you used to have this spark!" and gets all mommy-boy creepy, and I guess that's interesting, too.
Ma McNeil approaches Mike on the street and asks him not to tell anyone about Robbie. "Have you taken him to see a doctor?" Mike asks. "Every specialist in Seattle," says Ma McNeil. She explains that nobody seems to know what's wrong with him, and that he's been having these freaky spells for about a month, and after each one he always returns right back to normal and doesn't seem to remember them. Mike wants to know what the doctors think. Ma McNeil sighs and tells him the doctors say it's "stress-related extremes, anxiety, depression...Robbie's got a lot on his plate right now." "A lot" of what? Pea soup?