Glory Days
The Lost Girls

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Vamps and Tramps

Mike and Rudy are at a bar. I suppose it's the only bar in Glory. I so want to call it The Glory Hole, but that would only be a good name for a gay bar. Then again, who's at this bar? The Glory Hole it is, then. Mike and Rudy are both really depressed and are talking out loud to themselves. Mike's monologue: "Nope, there'll never be another novel by Mike Dolan. I haven't written one word of my so-called follow-up novel. Not even one word...." Rudy's monologue: "Nobody's ever going to love me. I'm going to die miserable and alone...." The bartender serves them lemon drop shots. Mike and Rudy drink the shots. They don't suck the lemons. No comment. They continue talking to themselves. Rudy: "I'm a sensitive guy, I don't have any disfiguring scars." Mike: "'Hey Mike, when's next book coming out?'" Rudy: "Forget about love; I'd just like to have sex one more time before I die." Mike: "'Oh, never, because I suck.'" Are we sure this is not a conversation? Hmm. Mike says to himself, sarcastically, that he likes being a news reporter, dammit. Rudy complains that he doesn't have time for a woman. More shots; they drink. I don't know what it is, but people just look really hilarious when they drink shots in unison. Even after ten seasons of The Real World, it's still funny. Mike finally stops rambling to himself enough to notice that Rudy's been talking, too. "I'm pitiful," says Rudy. "And horny." Mike pats him on the shoulder. I have a feeling that this will be the scene that launches a thousand slash fic alternate realities. Mike says that all Rudy needs is to get a woman; Rudy says he doesn't know how to talk to one. "What do I say? 'Hi, I'm Rudy, I know we live in a huge, lonely world, but maybe it'll feel a little bit smaller if I told you that you're incredibly beautiful and I want to jump you'?" Mike thinks this is pathetic and heads for the bathroom. Rudy turns in time to see a woman sidle up next to him at the bar. She's wearing a skimpy black dress and one of these really alarming black choker necklaces with multiple strands and swags and beads and bobeches dripping all the way down her chest; it's like she's got the whole set of Moulin Rouge! wrapped around her neck, trapezes and all. Also, the makeup she's wearing is really confusing: is she goth? Glam? Forty? Male? "Hi, my name's Rosalind," she says. "You know, we live in a huge, lonely world, but maybe it'll feel a little bit smaller if I told you that you are incredibly handsome and I'd like to jump you." Rudy looks stunned, downs another shot to summon his courage, and turns back to Old Lady Marmalade. He grins. She grins. He grins. She opens her mouth wide and bares a double set of fangs, all "Hhhaaarrghhh!" Rudy freaks and jumps away from the bar. Oh, nice going, Vagina Dentata, that'll help Rudy be more straight.

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Glory Days

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