Glory Days
The Lost Girls

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Vamps and Tramps

Rudy and Mike leave the Trampire lair. Rudy says that they're "just a bunch of lost girls with a pathological need for attention"; he doesn't think they're vampires. Just then, his cell phone rings. It's Ellie: she's figured out how the floating dead chick died, but the cause of death is disturbing. "She was exsanguinated," says Ellie. "What does that mean?" asks Rudy. "Her body was drained of blood," says Ellie.

Hey! Then there's a commercial for Queen of the Damned! Whatever.

Up at Kreepy Koroner Kottage, Ellie shows Mike and Rudy how a 25-gauge needle was stuck in the woman's arm: "She was probably alive for over an hour while her life, literally, was drained out of her." Mike gets all excited about the idea of "Vampire Vixens descending on Glory." Rudy doesn't buy it, because there aren't bite marks. "This is the twenty-first century, Rudy -- human vampires are as technologically advanced as anyone else," says Mike, very authoritatively. What, so now you have to stick cell phones through their hearts? Ellie says there's no other physical evidence: "Whatever was on the body, the water washed it off." Uh, but wasn't it just a few episodes ago that Ellie was able to find fingerprints on the body of the guy who had been pushed off the ferry into the water? Oh, never mind. Rudy's phone rings again. They've found out that the dead woman is named Jacinda Embry; she lived in town with her husband. Rudy questions the husband -- The Grief-Stricken Dr. Embry -- who was at the hospital all night and didn't even know his wife was missing. "Did you and your wife have any problems?" Rudy asks him. "NO! We were very happy," says The Grief-Stricken Dr. Embry. "You're not suggesting I did this?" Rudy points out that Dr. Embry had the expertise to drain his wife's body of blood, and he asks him to list people who could verify his whereabouts the night before. As for The Trampires, Deputy Tim informs Rudy that they have an alibi: they were at the Glory Hole all night with Rudy, and they have no police records. Oh, I guess that means the murderer is The Grief-Stricken Dr. Embry, and the show will end at 8:25 tonight! Oh, well, I guess not.

Hash 'n' Whore. Zane wants to talk to Sam about the kiss. Sam doesn't, and walks off somewhere. The Vampire LeSkank enters the diner wearing thigh-high boots, fishnets, and a shiny pleather hot-pant bare-midriff low-cut happy-hooker ensemble that comes with its own retractable go-go-club shimmy pole. She clomps over to Zane. Zane gets all giggly and asks her if it's true that she and her friends are really vampires. The Vampire LeSkank asks Zane if he's going to attack her with a wooden stake if she says yes. Zane tries not to think about wooden things and asks LeSkank if she's going to bite him. LeSkank says she will only if he wants her to. Would somebody please hand Zane a gym sock and a key to the men's room now? Mike is sitting at the counter watching them talk; he asks Hazel if LeSkank seems suspicious to her, and asks her to do him a favor, "for the sake of journalism." So then when the Vampire LeSkank is in the middle of inviting Zane to The Trampire Cabin that night, Hazel accidentally-on-purpose collides with her and spills a pitcher of water on her. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry!" screams Hazel, who then dabs at LeSkank's rubber clothes with a rag. "Don't worry, it's not holy water," she tells LeSkank. The whole distraction gives Mike a chance to sneak over and look in LeSkank's notebook: he finds the name "Sarah Palmer" written on the inside cover. Hazel hands the rag to Zane so he can finish wiping off LeSkank's clothes, or spray them with Armor-All, or whatever.

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Glory Days

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