Glory Days
The Lost Girls

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Vamps and Tramps

Zane shows up at the Trampires' cabin. "Hello?" he calls. He calls for LeSkank. "Is anybody around? Is anybody here?" No, Zane, they just went off to play miniature golf and left five hundred candles burning. The door slams shut behind him. "Hello, fright night," he mutters. He looks around and sees three coffins in the living room. "Oh, that's bad; that's really not good," he says. He heads for the door and tries the doorknob! But something's pulling the door shut! And then the door opens! Oh. It's just Sam. She admits that she followed him. "I kept imagining them passing your virgin blood around in a Dixie cup," she says. "You came to rescue me? Without my expressed consent, I might add," snickers Zane. He shows her the coffins. "Okay, let's go now," Sam says nervously, but Zane is all psyched to look inside. Sam so does not want to look inside, but Zane goes over and peers inside one of the coffins. "Sam...come here," he says, and he gets Sam all freaked out, but it turns out the coffin is empty. "That's not funny!" she yells. Zane laughs. He's telling her she needs to lighten up when suddenly the other two coffins open up and out pop Drag Queen of the Dammed and Token Blacula, with bared fangs and that weird-ass white-eye thing going. "Hhhaaarrghhh!" "Hhheeaaaccchhh!" Sam and Zane run to the door but can't open it and start banging on it and screaming. Drag Queen and Token Blacula come closer. The door opens, and there's The Vampire LeSkank in full-frontal fang hhhhaarrrgghing right at them. Sam and Zane scream. More fang-baring. More screaming. You get the idea.

At the police station Mike is pacing around, because the murder records from Olympia haven't come in yet. "I can't go accuse people without logical evidence," says Rudy, "and those girls have airtight alibis." Yeah -- and outfits, too. Mike says that the Trampires could be sinking their fangs into people right now. "Whoa!" says Deputy Tim. "I don't think so." He looks over at the door. In strut all three Trampires with fangs and Antichrist Superstar eyes and all. They just stand there, hhhaaarrrggghing away; everyone's like, "the hell?" Then Sam and Zane walk in behind them. "Hey guys," says Zane, putting his arms around Drag Queen and LeSkank. They all grin.

Moments later, the Trampires all have their fake fangs and white contacts out and Rudy looks over their college IDs. "You're students?!" he says, incredulously. "We caused no harm," says Draggy. "You can check with my professor -- we're all writing papers in Sociology." Rudy yells at them for terrifying and harassing Sam and Zane. Zane pipes up that it was kind of fun. Sam agrees. Rudy's still pissed, on account of the fact that he's investigating a murder-by-exsanguination. Draggy admits that it was wrong for them to keep their cover for so long; they were just studying people's reactions to vampires and the societal fears they represent, blah blah. Rudy yells at them some more for wasting his time while the real murderer is still out there. Drag Queen gives him an I'm-sorry-Daddy look. I so do not buy that she's in college. Sam and Zane ask LeSkank where she got her white contacts; LeSkank explains that an optometrist in Olympia custom-made them. "You guys are perfect for each other," she tells Sam and Zane, apropos of nothing. "You make a great couple -- I hope it stays that way." She walks off. Zane turns to Sam and is like, "See?" "How about a slap in the face: the sequel?" snaps Sam. Zane thinks Sam should "take a risk." Sam retorts that just standing next to him is taking a risk. Zane glares at her and says "Then let me change that." He walks off. Sam is like, "Zane?" like she didn't really mean to be so harsh, but Zane stomps off. Sam looks sad.

Rudy and Draggy have a little scene in which she explains to him that he was going to be one of their test subjects because his dimples were so damn cute, and she ever-so-tactfully mentions his sexual frustration. She says that most men are attracted to her because of her vampire get-up, but that he was attracted to her despite it, and apparently that rocks her world or something, because she propositions him to spend her last night in town with her. She suggests that he "live a little," and then saunters out with the other Trampires. Rudy stands there and pretends there's a big old fire in his pants. The file comes in from Olympia.

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Glory Days

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