At the Hash 'n' Whore, Mike is sitting at a booth, grimacing at his laptop from over the top of his gay sweater. Hazel comes by, sees what he's doing, and says that Mike's father did a story on Metal-Detector Guy fifteen years ago, and even back then it was old news. Ellie shows up. Oh, God, here we go with the Mike and Ellie dialogue. Mike starts in with the Philosophical Question About The Human-Interest Story That Is Really A Thinly-Veiled Inquiry Into Ellie's Deep Deep Psyche. There's lots of intense staring. Ellie responds with The Answer That Is Really A Metaphor For Her Own Deep Deep Psyche. More intense staring. More metaphors. Philosophical questions about the metaphors. Philosophical questions about the questions about the metaphors. Staring.
Dolan house. Sam comes home; Mitzi, Mike, and Gay Sweater are desperately trying to clean up in time for the open house they're holding for the Generics. Sam goes over to the window and watches Conrad leaving the Generic house and walking somewhere out back. Mike teases Sam, and Mitzi tells Sam that she should "go for it," and that Conrad's a "stud," and comments on his ass yet again. Sam is mortified.
Metal-Detector Guy is wandering around in the woods right by Buried-Alive Guy's pipes. He puts aside his metal detector and snoops around the gravesite, and Buried-Alive Guy starts screaming, "Hey! Hey Metal-Detector Guy! I'm down here! I'm up to my ass in old coins! And watch fobs! It's like the fucking Antiques Roadshow down here!" Okay, really he's just all like, "Help, please, oh God," yada yada. Just as Metal-Detector Guy figures out what's going on, someone else has snuck up; Metal-Detector Guy gets the shit killed out of him with his own metal detector.
Okay, best moment in the whole series: Mitzi is jogging in the woods listening to the soundtrack to South Pacific (Hey! I recapped that! Shout-out?) when she trips on Metal-Detector Guy's dead hand, falls way the hell over, and sees him. The song "Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair" keeps right on playing while Mitzi screams at the dead guy. But you know, it's one of those timeless musicals.
At the police station, Sara and Mike look on while Mitzi tells Sheriff Rudy about how horrible it was to see dead Metal-Detector Guy. "His eyes were frozen in horror!" she says. "Makes you think about everything...your family, what's really important." Everyone nods contemplatively. Then Mitzi gets over it and remembers she has a party to throw, and she and Sara leave. Mike leaps up and asks Rudy if it's "a 187," and does his usual pee-pee dance of murder mystery excitement. Rudy insists that Metal-Detector Guy just tripped and fell; it looked like an accident. Mike keeps flailing around, making the all-important "face frozen in horror" point until Rudy tells him he has work to do. Mike leaves Rudy's office, sulking.