Mitzi goes up and introduces herself to the neighbors. The neighbors are: Calvin Jarrett, lovely wife Beth, and son Conrad. And an Irish setter, Bucky, that rushes up on cue. They've just moved to Glory straight out of the pages of the Land's End catalog. Mitzi makes pleasant small talk with Calvin and Mrs. Generic, and invites them to dinner the following night. Mrs. Generic shoots Mr. Generic a worried look, but Mr. Generic graciously accepts. He turns to his wife and says, "We're going to be really happy here, hon." They kiss. "You people make me sick!" blurts out Mitzi. "In a good way!" They all toss back their heads and laugh that eerie, compulsory white-middle-class kind of laugh.
Back at the Dolan house, Mike and Sara are in the middle of an argument. Mike hates doing human-interest stories; he hates having to write about Metal-Detector Guy. I really have to mention that Mike's wearing what has to be the gayest turtleneck sweater in the known universe. It's dove-gray. It's ribbed. It's so gay it can order brunch by itself. No, actually, it's so gay that NASA has to build a nuclear gaydar out in the desert in order to measure the full extent of the gayness. It's that gay. Sara tells Mike that she put him on the human-interest beat because it makes use of Mike's "overbearing fondness for colorful adjectives." Mike insists that in order to use his skills to the fullest, he should be put on the crime beat. "What, so you can distort the facts with your mystery-writer theorizing?" groans Sara. She then assigns him to do a story on the new neighbors. Meanwhile, Sam is still spying on the neighbors. And Zane is still crushing on Sam. And Mike's sweater is still gay. It's not a phase.
Elsewhere, that guy in the hole in the ground keeps screaming. Like, for some reason.
Sam and Zane walk to school, but first they go over to where Generic Son, Conrad, is unpacking boxes in the truck. Sam introduces herself. "Do you need some help?" Sam asks, and then she orders Zane to help Conrad. Zane glares at Sam in disbelief, and then makes a huge production out of taking out his pocketknife and handing it to Conrad. Lately, Sam has been taking a crimping iron to random chunks of her hair, or else she got too close to Mike's sweater and got singed; either way, I'm already sick of it. Sam offers to show Conrad around school, but Conrad says he won't be going; he says he's home-schooled. I wonder if that has something to do with the fact that he was the "controversial" cheerleader at his last high school in Bring It On. And you know the deal with Bring It On, right? Tell them, Wing. ["That it's the greatest movie of all time? Everyone knows that." -- Wing Chun] Yeah. You know, I could call his character "BringItOnrad," but that might be too distracting. Anyway. Sam asks Conrad if he ever gets lonely. "It's good to know that you live right across the street," Conrad says to Sam. They exchange looks. Zane is like, "Okay! Gotta go!" and drags Sam away. Conrad watches them go as Mr. Generic comes out. "Making friends already?" "Yeah," smiles Conrad.