Because the other story is about a girl innocently buying a hotdog when some guy comes up and runs over her, just runs her down, and something about the look in her eyes, or the way she stood, or the way she was interested but not too interested, struck a chord in the boy, and he realized he'd found the Eleanor to his Harold, and after a year of shit, his life started turning perfect, because he was in love, and he could have it all: the boy he loved, and the girl to keep him safe.

"What bargain?" He's like, seriously? Okay: "You're Jenny Humphrey from Brooklyn. You need status, access, resources. I give that to you." Her eyes already know, but she asks anyway: "...What do I give you?" He doesn't get it; his lips get angry, like they do when you get scared. It's about what's unsaid: if she wants it said, then he not only picked wrong, but she's the enemy. Fight or flight: "Do we really need to talk about this?" She nods and takes the next step: "So what was on Gossip Girl's true?" She's the enemy. "Do you really think someone like me would just date someone like you?" And from the heart, poor Jenny Humphrey says this, "But you've been so nice."

Well, I am not made of stone. I am grateful for many things, but most of all I'm glad I have never been a teenage girl. I couldn't survive ten minutes of this bullshit, but she not only has to survive it, it's literally all Jenny has. I mean, not even Eleanor should have to be Eleanor, but Jenny's got all these awesome crunchy Brooklyn-y Alison arsty things going on that she's just completely been ignoring since the night Nate kissed her, and now we're playing Let's Make A Deal to push it down even further. "I'll keep being nice. Nothing has to change, okay? Come on, Jenny. Tonight you're hosting your first Upper East Side party. That's something that Blair and those girls can never take away from you." He's got her number, doesn't he? Maybe he was right, that day on the street: she fucking thanks him. Like, actually says the words, "Thank you." And he says she's welcome, and can show her gratitude by helping him put the rumors to rest for good. "...What do you want me to do?" And the only thing scarier, and sadder, and more painful than his smile, is the dead look in her eyes when she says it.

Home from school, Serena opens the package. There's another Georgina note: S - memories can fade, a video is forever - ♥ G, and a USB drive on an ivory silk ribbon. Only on this show would blackmail come in the form of a USB key on an ivory silk ribbon, resting like jewelry on a bed of cotton in a jewelry box, and that is why this is the best show ever created.