Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
When You Were A Fever

She clamps down on her delight and turns, looking at him through the mirror. "I'm sorry. I thought... Um. I didn't mean... We're here as friends, right?" Right, yeah. He takes his time raising his eyes from the floor. "No, we are friends." She looks at him through the mirror, gone soft and sweet, and everything is perfectly perfect:

"It's just how you look."

The Bitches make their way down the hall, having heard not a peep from Gossip Girl in three hours. "Guess she wasn't kidding about her new standards." The whole "people use GG as a weapon of war" idea is a sweet one, but you can't really keep going there, so it's super cool that they introduced this idea and then dropped it. All six-foot-ten of Serena van der Woodsen comes barreling down the hall, grabbing Jenny and twirling her around: "Hey, Jenny! Sorry I can't chat, but have so much fun at your party tonight!" And then she's gone. What a magical moment! I love her so much.

Horny Penelope fully goes, "...Totally running to a booty call with your brother," and Jenny just about gags that she went there, and Hazel asks where-all Jenny's been going. Penelope -- who is way too invested in all this, I think, but in order for the story to work, one of the Bitches has to be, to speak it aloud -- is all, "You and Asher..." And Jenny tells them far enough. Penelope's suspicious, and Hazel thinks her coyness means maybe Asher's gay after all, which is kind of the thing creeping up through Jenny's hazy, weird little brain anyway, so then Jenny gets super awesome.

"Is that why we went to third?" Elise, who may or may not even know what that means, is all agape: "You went to third?" And Jenny's answer, my God: "No? He did." Hazel approves -- "Well done. Make him work for it."

(And Jesus, so do I. Of all the trends and decadence this show is supposedly spreading among the teens of this universe, my goodness, let that one stick. I firmly believe that at least seventy-five percent of the ills in this world link back to hatred and fear of the female body and sexuality, men and women both. Even though that bullshit starts in the cradle, it only gets hardwired in high school, so what better way to retrain teenage boys to respect the female body, than with that kind of positive reinforcement? If the infinite blowjobs of high school were replaced with infinite cunnilingus, I think the result would be Tina Fey automatically becoming our next President. Like within a week of the new rule, this would happen. Read Lysistrata! Tell your friends! Girls of the world, it is cool! Start demanding your right to oral sex, it is awesome!)

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Gossip Girl




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