Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
When You Were A Fever

"Wait, you're the mystery guy that Asher was spotted kissing? I know this isn't how you wanted this to happen..." Eric shakes his head, because Gossip Girl could always go fuck herself: "Yeah, I guess the important thing is that it's happening." Awesome. The total calm with which he says this, the strength of the kid. Apparently therapy is good for you. Serena just shakes her head at him, impressed, in awe. "I'm so ... proud of you." Not like a big sister, like a person. (And she'd never admit this, but once again Eric's just told her what to do, how to be wonderful, and strong like him, without doing anything but being honest.) She throws her arms around him. "I love you. No matter what you do, who you like... Whose boyfriend kisses you..." She laughs. He throws her a smile. "The people who care about you will always stand by your side. OK?" (Say it a couple more times, S. Maybe then you'll believe it.) Eric decides to drop by Asher's party: "There's one more person I have to talk to." She nods, sweetly, and doesn't ask, but it's her Oh, Blair face. She already knows what he's going to do: tear it down, stop everybody lying, and get things healed, one way or the other.

Hornsby Residence, where one finds a truly astounding amount of plaid and madras. Madras ties, madras shirts... It's madras soup! The Bitches slurp their neon martinis, and hit on lacrosse boys, and the whole time the happy couple are laughing, and flirting, and sharing secrets. But here's what the music's saying, as they drink and put on their show: "I hold on so nervously / To me and my drink, I wish it was cooling me / But so far has not been good, it's been shitty / And I feel awkward, as I should ... You'll probably move right through me / On my way to you."

Blair Waldorf comes up the stairs, looking like a total sex goddess combo of Jackie O and Audrey Hepburn. I know I said last week was the best she ever looked, but I think I was wrong. Even the camera slows down so you can look at her for longer. Elise squeals and runs off to tattle to Jenny, but Isabel just looks her up and down: "You look..." Blair nods: "I know." Nelly Yuki laughs about how bad Jenny's going to freak, but Blair just tosses her jacket to them, Asher's phone in hand: "Watch and learn, ladies. The most important parties to attend are the ones you're not invited to. Where's the host? I have something for him."

Serena, scared as hell of telling the truth but more scared of lying and losing Dan, taking Eric's example as gospel, desperately needing some comfort after G's latest two -- concurrent -- assaults, runs straight for the coffeeshop, dropping beside Dan and breathing hard: "Oh, thank God you're here! I'm so happy to see you." She kisses him, needing him to hold her, and he just smiles: "Hey! I'm happy to see you, too. You can meet Sarah!" She tries to tell him it's not a good time, but guess what Georgie's been up to since the "quiet dinner" went so quiet it died? Yep: "Well, she's here, so uh... Sarah, Serena, Serena, Sarah."

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Gossip Girl




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