I love how on this show now when they say "good" they mean "actual white-hat-wearing" good, puppies shooting out your ass good, and when they say "bad" they mean "total evil." It makes things so simple. Anyway, Diana calls William because now Nate is Good and she is Good and Granderbilt is Bad.
Lily takes not just a tiny morsel but a huge helping of satisfaction lying to Blair about the party. It's probably the funniest scene in the whole episode, watching her dick Blair around: "Serena's out getting the dessert for the party! Hawaiian shaved ice, with all the best flavors! Including everyone's favorite: Tuuuuutti Fruuuuuutti!" Just brilliant. Anyway, Blair is losing her shit.
Ivy: "Isn't it kind of fucked up messing with Blair's head like this?"
Lily: "Well, it might be the only event in Blair's entire life where she's not in control."
Ivy: "Um, yeah. That's what I mean. Bitch crazy. She pukes up pies is how much she hates not having control. It's kind of her entire thing."
Lily: "Good thing Blair bears not even a tiny resemblance to herself this season, then. Anyway, what about Max?"
Ivy: "I paid him to leave town. Sorry about my multiple identities."
Lily: "Like I said, the only upshot from that is that I get to hate your mom even more."
Ivy: "You don't really bear much of a resemblance to yourself this season either."
Lily: "It takes an ass to fill every seat, darling."
Serena looks at the website thing and Louis watches her looking at the thing and he wonders what it is but he's sure Serena is doing dirt because Blair's friends suck; she finally catches him spying on her and is like, "Staring problem, mister?" So he skulks away.
Meanwhile, Max pulls out an old school play program from Ivy's junk that he brought from LA, just this tiny box full of the most important shit out of all her shit like high school play programs, and notices that Aunt Carol and somebody named "Charlie Rhodes" were both involved in the production, but that Ivy Dickens was also there -- she's an actress! -- and that Aunt Carol is the real Aunt Carol, but probably Charlie is somebody none of us has ever met.
That Max, I'll tell ya, that Max, he's a regular Nancy Drew.
Needless to say, Daniel has disappointed not only Charles but the whores they were meant to share. Whore No. 1's dialogue is pretty awesome: