Gossip Girl
All The Pretty Sources

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Hung Up On Somebody That You Used

I mean, I loved the shoe thing once it was explained to me, there are levels on which there is awesome, but there's Diana and Grace Kelly princess, which is how it started, and then there's Disney Princess, which is what it immediately became. No wonder the fangirls were so insane about this stuff: They were reacting allergically to the entire idea, and just centered it on Chuck instead of realizing it, itself, for the woman-hating princess crap that it actually is.

Solution: Instead of Louis, make it Tripp. Instead of Princess, make her Blair Rodham Clinton, and watch her ambition play out that way. The Tripp story Serena never could have accomplished, and Blair was born for. You wouldn't even have to have this yucky weird aging-up thing where the teenagers are getting married and having babies, if you did that: Political go-hards start this young. That's Nate's current deal, in fact. And that is the Blair we know. That's the Blair we know, raised by Eleanor and Harold.

...Oooo, or alternately, this Louis thing could still make sense if he was gay, because of Harold: Regressing to daddy's little princess. Not pretty, not funny, but Blair is not a pretty or a funny person, and it's not like this story is less gross than that would be. Just something. Something to say that the story we're unsubtly being told we're being served is not exactly the story we're being served. But in the meantime, I guess the only narrative line you can follow to where we're at now is the whole "Palace" and "Empire" thing, which seems to mean nothing this season anyway. I don't know. "Princess," though. It grates, doesn't it?

Her royal stuff was always Queen B and the French aristocracy: She was already queen of an island nation, not a wannabe princess for some principality that doesn't even matter. I'm not saying you couldn't cross the streams into real life, plausibly, I'm just saying if you're going to transpose the very painstakingly symbolic crown/tiara/Jenny stuff into real life, you have to make up for what you're losing. And what you're losing can't be Blair, which is what has happened. Serena is the one who picks between suitors, and defines herself against it; that's her tragedy but it also is something she gets real power from. Blair is the one who pursues, and forces the issue. Switching them around just waters them both down into nothing. It's not growth or dynamic if they're both just putting up with shit with which they would never put. You push further into the future, not sideways into somebody else's past.

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Gossip Girl

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