Gossip Girl
All The Pretty Sources

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Hung Up On Somebody That You Used

More likely it's what it looks like: Every episode following the same predictable pattern for no real reason, and then a different pattern that will also be repeated over and over once whatever wedding massacre and/or miscarriage eventually goes down, and somehow that will also come out of nowhere and mean something for that one single episode.

AFTERMATH

S: "I couldn't believe you would think I of all people would release that information to the world. Do you have any idea how many things I've sent in to Gossip Girl over the years?"
B: "Well, I checked, and I sent twice as many as you, predictably."

Just those two girls, pretending to eat ice cream in a somewhat destroyed living room, being cute and sweet with each other, talking about who is the crazier bitch. It feels almost like coming home, comparatively.

B, verbatim: "I knew in my heart you didn't send it. Louis just put all these ideas in my head that my friends were a destructive force. But I think he's self-destructing, and he's taking our relationship down with him."

Serena promises, talk about abusive shit, not to tell anybody that it was Louis who permanently altered the entire landscape of the UES and the show for incredibly careless, vindictive reasons, just for when Blair gets over his latest shenanigans five minutes from now and doesn't want anybody asking where those bruises came from because they are back in love again.

S: "Also, can we talk about Chuck for a minute? Awesome, right?"
B: "Just had to find some excuse to crash the party, didn't he?"
S: "What? Um, he wasn't crashing. He was trying to stop Dan. He was doing you a favor?"

Serena's always been a Chair shipper, but I like the idea that right now she's more focused on how crazy Blair is and how she's just amazed at how B has misread this situation, yet again. It's better than seeing her as the simple prop of furniture in this scene, because that makes it so badly written -- "You thought he was Bad but he was Good. Good!" -- that I cannot function.

So we'll just say it's better for everybody if B sticks with Chuck, because that keeps the Dan Thing from rearing its head. Because I know from personal experience, beyond any past identification with S, that in this case I would lose my motherfucking shit if I were Serena, and those two got together. Just blood rain and screaming and lamentations. And I would take every single one of these motherfuckers down with me. If I were Serena, I mean.

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Gossip Girl

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