Gossip Girl
All The Pretty Sources

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Hung Up On Somebody That You Used

Max: "Ivy, I just spent your diamond ring on a black hat because I am Bad now for no reason. I would like five hundred thousand dollars instead of fifty, because it is more."

Payne: "It was good while it lasted. I wonder if I will ever know what this storyline was supposed to be about. I guess I will watch this show with my grandchildren to find out."

DÉNOUEMENT

Chuck tucks Dan right the fuck into bed. It is weirdly hot.

Gossip Girl, because it is important: "Whatever I choose to do to win back your trust, one thing is certain. This is not the end between us."

Wow, show. You actually managed not only to have Gossip Girl talk in English language, but voiceover some pretty impressive shit. Because as she was saying that, guess who showed up just now, silently watching Chuck carefully and sweetly take care of his once most-hated enemy? Yeah. Well done, show. And also, well done on the music: Gotye has been an obsession of mine since that original two-second bite at the end of that one episode when Lily had Serena arrested for no reason, and Kimbra makes me feel exactly how this show used to.

Blair: "I had to come. You've really been Good this whole time, haven't you?"
GG: "...Because try as you might to fight it, you know you love me."

You know? I kinda do. As silly as it was getting here -- Serena being all, "Don't you know Chuck was all about Dan being all about you, and thus did a humane thing?" -- it worked out, I think, rather impressively. The look in Chuck's eyes alone, as she said that silly White Hat line, I mean...

I try to say goodbye and not choke, Gossip Girl. Any time, any time you want, you can make me stop punching windows beside your head, and go back to playing dress-up like we used to. I don't mean to say these things. You know I love you, baby. XO &c.

NEXT WEEK

Fountains of blood result, as Blair's spawn gains sentience and begins to gnaw through her spine. After Prince Louis chews the baby out of her and the family gathers to pray over her to Our Heavenly Father, Serena takes the newborn -- Daniel Charles if it's a boy, Sophlanore if it's a girl -- out into the living room at PRADA to nurse. Chuck arrives, with gifts aplenty and a White Hat on his head. And with one look into her eyes -- the mesmerizing, smizing eyes of beautiful little Sophlanore de Medici Waldorf Joseph Smith Rose Grimaldi -- he falls to his knees, smitten forevermore.

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Gossip Girl

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