Aunt Carol: "If the truth comes out, I will lose access to my daughter's trust fund, and then what? How will I buy drugs then? Trust me, I will hunt you down."
Ivy: "Your mom will hunt you down! Literally."
Aunt Carol: "It seems we are at an impasse. Just remember how rich you are right now, and how poor you would otherwise be."
Ivy: "Good point. My flaky plot may continue, heart-pounding rate unabated."
Aunt Carol: "There we go."
Louis: "Things I did not get mad about include how you want to live in your own house, or don't feel like converting to Catholicism."
Blair: "But you're going to get mad about my friends, now?"
Louis: "Yes! They are connected to your residence and spiritual life!"
Blair: "How do you figure?"
Louis: "Because I am very mad, that's how! You must give things up to prove your love!"
Blair: "What have you sacrificed, then?"
Louis: "Um, my family, every episode. My inheritance, every episode. My right to the throne, every episode. My country of residence, every episode. Shall I go on?"
Blair: "If the show doesn't remember any of that repetitive nonsense, why should I?"
Louis: "Kill shot! Gossip Girl just reported your paternity test, making me a cuckold."
Blair: "Funny how, after a hundred episodes all about paparazzi and tabloid interest in our marriage, nobody seems that into investigating this most terrible of the things."
Louis: "I blame your friends for telling Gossip Girl this!"
Blair: "You really don't get how this show works, do you?"
Louis: "How this show works is, your friends suck! Like I decided today."
Blair: "We're not like that anymore. Even I have to fill out forms in triplicate for your permission to act normal. This is clearly your stank sister's doing."
Louis: "Why would I believe that? What would make you say that?"
Blair: "Literally every second she's been onscreen would make me say that, dork. Look, I'll show you. Serena! Be at my beck and call!"
Serena: "I'm too busy planning your amazing shower to engage in any of you two's silliness. Work it out among yourselves."
Louis & Blair: (Both, somewhat obscurely, believe this proves Louis's point.)