Lily: (Party planning. Even though they let her go free, she just can't seem to get up the courage to get out of this house. It's starting to scare everybody. Except Rufus, who thinks it's the greatest thing. One day soon they will find him dead. "He just kept making me throw this ball, and then he would fetch it. For goddamn hours." She will not be arraigned, because that is justifiable homicide indeed.)
Max: "Hey lady, you look like you're in charge. I'm looking for Ivy Dickens? Sometimes they call her Charlie."
Lily: "I am so high right now that neither of those names ring a bell."
Ivy, thinking fast: "Hey guys, it's me. I am both of those people."
Lily & Max: Stunned by this revelation.
Ivy: "Sometimes I'm Charlie, sometimes I'm Ivy. Sometimes I'm on my meds, sometimes I am not. In that instance you may call me Serena. For such an interesting person, I sure am uninteresting, huh?"
Her story is that Aunt Carol never wanted her, Charlie Rhodes, to bear the burden of the Rhodes Women name, so she made her call herself Ivy. Clever.
Ivy: "She claimed it ruined her whole life. People made all kinds of assumptions about her and used her for her money. She never wanted that to happen to me. And you know what, it worked out, because I got to be friends with poor people and know they wouldn't dick me around. Poor people like you, Max."
Max: "Well, that is over."
Lily: "I am just happy to have one more thing to hold against my bitch sister."
Diana, in confidence: "Nate, we have 72 hours to do something amazing, or I'll get fired. That way, if I do get fired it looks like just the natural order of things and not some gross plan centered on your penis by relatives, and if you come through and do my job for me, then I'll still have a job."
Nate: "Serena's blog's getting some traction. Maybe we can convince her to write something a bit more personal? Like she keeps whining we will ask her to do?"
Diana: "Unless you have pictures of Serena in bed with both Hunger Games boys, that's not gonna cut it. Even though I always said it was. Are you sure you don't have any other ideas you forgot to tell me during the million other times we've had this conversation?"
Nate: "Nope. But you know what would be cool is if we attack Gossip Girl directly, like you keep saying we will."
Diana: "Too bad we can't hack into her phone, right?"
Nate: "Oh, you know what? I probably should have mentioned at some point that we can totally do that. Let me call Eric and get him to do that very obvious thing we could have done freshman year and yet keep forgetting we can do, even after we already did it."