Lily! At Rufus's gallery! Bitching at him for no reason! All mad that he sold his ex-wife's painting to an art buyer for an anonymous client! Reason for outburst: Allison despises Lily and does not want her art in Lily's renovated house, or so she said twenty years ago, wearing Doc Martens and a slip dress! Why can these two old fuckers not tell time? Twenty years ago was 1987. Docs and lunchbox purse was ten years ago. 1997. I don't care if you were living in San Francisco or some other future place like that twenty years ago, the only people wearing Docs in 1987 were militant lesbian cartoonists, and meanwhile, your children are 17! Years! Of age! How can you simultaneously be fucking Trent Reznor, be hauling around a seven-year-old daughter, get married twelve times, sell out and become a UES trophy wife, and also be having lunchbox purse fights at CBGB's? Is Lily van der Woodsen a TIME TRAVELER? Are there many copies?

On the other hand, her pretexts and excuses for getting all up in his sexy presence are falling apart! Next week she'll be like, "I saw heirloom tomatoes at the Fresh Plus and I knew you were using them to get close to me! How dare you!" And when they finally put her away, perhaps in the room next to her son's, she can make some "art" too.

Chuck notices the Babe Ruth ball is gone and texts N, who texts him back, angering the Hobbit. N is up five grand, and wants to drop out, because somehow N has become the smart, disciplined character that Dan wants so badly to be on this show, and the Hobbit is like, "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave! I was just about to tell you the secret of being fulfilled!" So N's like, "Fine, I'll keep playing. But only until I am in way over my head and I get murdered in the back room of a buffet restaurant in Queens, and no longer. I mean it, Sexy Hobbit: you can manipulate me with your luxurious eyelashes and pert little mouth only so far as Ray Liotta's trunk."

Lest you think Blair might enjoy a single moment of happiness in her life, "Moon River" starts playing again as she makes her way to some roof somewhere and spots Serena modeling. Serena looks outstandingly fierce: hair all big and up, eye makeup all wild and crazy... One cool thing about this show is how the youngsters are beautiful, but even cooler is how many different kinds of beautiful they get to be, because all of their faces are really complicated. They have five times the amount of features that normal people do, and also their bodies are stupid good. Like, "You liked Nate in a tux and all those sweaters, but he does sportswear too!" Or this, with Serena in the high fashion "clothes" of Eleanor Waldorf Designs before she heads back to the shooting range or enchanted forest or whatever. Chuck even looked hot in a few scenes this week. I know it sounds like I've never seen a teen drama before, but this one is special because everybody is so weird- and awesome-looking that you don't ever get bored looking at them. Blair, of course, shits a brick and storms out. Serena's all golden-retriever excited to see her, but soon notices that Blair is on a wobbler, so she runs after.