Gossip Girl
Bad News Blair

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The Devil Wears Waldorf
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

"Moon River" plays as a taxi pulls up outside Henri Bendel. Yes! Finally the Audrey Hepburn thing! In the books, Blair is obsessed with Audrey Hepburn. It is one of the bizarrely numerous things we share. Like, did you know she grew up in Nazi-occupied Belgium and danced in secret for money for the Dutch Resistance? And the reason for her weird body was that she spent the first half of her life eating shit and garbage and thus had no nutrition, and always felt weird about it? So she's a fashion icon because she's weird-looking; she deserves to be a fashion icon because she took what her body handed her and made sexy lemonade out of it. So it's Bendel's and not Tiffany, but whatever, you know she's wearing the LBD and diamonds and a tiara when she hops out of that car. In the shop window, Serena is sitting at an ice cream table, dressed provocatively and attended by Kati and Iz, laughing uproariously at a secret joke. She tries to get in and the cute doorman is like, "Not so fast! Not on the list!" and she protests that it's her dream. Your dream is to have a creepy Halloween party in the window at Bendel's? ...Yeah, actually, okay. It's Blair. The guy tells her it's not her dream anymore, but he's talking in Eleanor's voice.

Blair wakes up and dashes off her sleep mask, hearing Serena laughing downstairs. Gossip Girl tells us that her mom Eleanor came back from Paris (in a whole other person's body, having switched actresses) and is now brunching with Serena. Blair says hi to them from the landing and her mom tells her to shut up, then tells her the awesome news that Bendel's is going to do a Waldorf line. Blair sits with them and takes a croissant identical to the one Serena's big old teeth are tearing into, and congratulates her mother, the queen of mixed messages. She's like, "Isn't it awesome! I love you! You're a fat whore!" Blair puts down her croissant and tells her mom she lost two pounds since Eleanor left. "You look marvelous! I mean it! But the gravitational pull from your enormous ass is giving me a facelift! But you're gorgeous!" Serena escapes from the gravity and starts going through the clothes, admiring them. They look like...clothes. Eleanor somehow forces her way past her daughter's horrifying bulk and kisses Serena's ass some more, then invites Serena to give her thoughts on the collection later. "You do have such great personal style," she...quips? I mean, Serena always looks great, but I wasn't aware that Serena's "Hogwarts-meets-Petticoat Junction" look was so in demand. Serena's like, "Love to, but I have a date with Blair." Not even Blair is aware of this, but Serena has decided to take the relationship into her own hands before Blair decides she's ruining her life in some new way.

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Gossip Girl




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