Gossip Girl
Bad News Blair

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Devil Wears Waldorf

On the other hand, her pretexts and excuses for getting all up in his sexy presence are falling apart! Next week she'll be like, "I saw heirloom tomatoes at the Fresh Plus and I knew you were using them to get close to me! How dare you!" And when they finally put her away, perhaps in the room next to her son's, she can make some "art" too.

Chuck notices the Babe Ruth ball is gone and texts N, who texts him back, angering the Hobbit. N is up five grand, and wants to drop out, because somehow N has become the smart, disciplined character that Dan wants so badly to be on this show, and the Hobbit is like, "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave! I was just about to tell you the secret of being fulfilled!" So N's like, "Fine, I'll keep playing. But only until I am in way over my head and I get murdered in the back room of a buffet restaurant in Queens, and no longer. I mean it, Sexy Hobbit: you can manipulate me with your luxurious eyelashes and pert little mouth only so far as Ray Liotta's trunk."

Lest you think Blair might enjoy a single moment of happiness in her life, "Moon River" starts playing again as she makes her way to some roof somewhere and spots Serena modeling. Serena looks outstandingly fierce: hair all big and up, eye makeup all wild and crazy... One cool thing about this show is how the youngsters are beautiful, but even cooler is how many different kinds of beautiful they get to be, because all of their faces are really complicated. They have five times the amount of features that normal people do, and also their bodies are stupid good. Like, "You liked Nate in a tux and all those sweaters, but he does sportswear too!" Or this, with Serena in the high fashion "clothes" of Eleanor Waldorf Designs before she heads back to the shooting range or enchanted forest or whatever. Chuck even looked hot in a few scenes this week. I know it sounds like I've never seen a teen drama before, but this one is special because everybody is so weird- and awesome-looking that you don't ever get bored looking at them. Blair, of course, shits a brick and storms out. Serena's all golden-retriever excited to see her, but soon notices that Blair is on a wobbler, so she runs after.

Dan comes upon them converging in a stairwell and makes with the stealthy as Serena begs Blair to explain what set off this latest thing. "Why am I mad? You mean why aren't I furious?! I can't believe for one second I thought that it'd be different this time!" Blair goes into depth about how Serena takes everything, everything away from her, all the time, like Nate and Eleanor and the modeling and being pretty, just by existing, and nods in the direction of how that's not really her fault but doesn't fully grasp the concept, just keeps screaming and screaming. "When you glanced at the call sheet, did you see my name on it? When I wasn't in hair and makeup, didn't that seem strange? When the dressing room only had your name on the door, what, did you think they just forgot?" Serena swears that they were just doing test shots, and she thought Blair was just running late: "Look, Blair, I encouraged you to do this. Why would I try to steal something from you that I pushed you to do?" Because, again, that's how you roll, Blair tries to explain.

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Gossip Girl

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