Gossip Girl
Bad News Blair

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Devil Wears Waldorf

Strengthened by Dan's pep talk, Blair heads back into the fashion space to yell at her mom. Laurel tosses herself in her way, offering the job to Blair smoothly and awesomely, but Blair's in no mood. "Did you choose Serena over me? You could've picked a stranger, you didn't have to choose my best friend. What, did you think that I wouldn't find out?" As usual, Blair's tone-perfect: vulnerable, pissed, outraged, and kind of begging the world to not fuck her over in this precise way at this precise time. Eleanor promises she was going to explain: "There was no right decision. There wasn't any time! I know you can understand all this, it was mishandled, the whole thing. From top to bottom." She's not wrong, but Blair's your daughter, dude. Get real. "You actually want me to agree with you?" Word. "Bendel's will legitimize this company. It will take everything to the next level. You know how hard I have worked for that. You've always been my biggest supporter, my biggest fan." Blair points out that more importantly, Mommie Dearest, she's her daughter. "And as my daughter, I knew that you would forgive me, in time. But if my company had lost this deal because of you? I'd never forgive myself." Blair wishes fervently aloud that she hopes Eleanor never does. Gossip Girl utters the truest words she's ever said: "You didn't hear it from us, but in every girl's life, there comes a moment when she realizes her mother just might be more messed up than she is." Word. That's like my mission statement. Not just girls, and not just moms, but it's an important moment in a young person's life.

Dan brings -- you guessed it -- craft service food to the roof. Serena's like, "Whoa! You're still here?" She's happy to see him. He apologizes, again, for judging her, again, and she stupidly apologizes for having "given him a reason to." Shut up, Serena. She hops around for a second and then tells him to ask her out again. Aww, she's so sweet. They're really sweet, if you forget the gross stuff. Like Dan would ever let you: "How about you actually show up?" Serena nods, goes, "Okay," pushes him off the roof and he falls thirty stories to a grisly death, and she tears into that craft services meal because she's been on heels all day, then treats herself to an afternoon at the spa. I'm kidding! "Okay. No drama, no disruptions. I promise." He throws one hand up to his forehead and screams, so she quickly unpromises, because beautiful women are untrustworthy and must be tamed. He names a time and place: Friday, at eight. Blair appears out of nowhere: "I think we can agree to those terms, but you can't wear those shoes. Mmm...or that hair." Serena blurts, "Blair!" but it's clear from the look Blair and Dan exchange that they're cool right now, and it's very cute. Serena kisses Dan on the cheek (Blair: "Ew!" A bit much, Blair) and he takes off, floating on air.

"So. You were right," Serena mumbles. "I know." Heh. "When I got that call, I should've known you had nothing to do with it. And I should never have pushed you to do this whole thing in the first place." Blair gets introspective: "Actually, I'm glad you pushed me. It ended up being a very important day for me. I just thought it was gonna be more fun." Growth! Change! Compassion! They lean in for a very "you know you love me" hug and that song about the guy being suicidal suicidal suicidal suicidal suicidal suicidal suicidal about the beautiful girl comes on. Serena promises Blair "more fun," and they go downstairs and steal all the "clothes." "This just in: S and B, committing a crime of fashion. Who doesn't love a five-finger discount? Especially if one of those fingers is the middle one!" I love you, Gossip Girl! Yeah! Eleanor comes in with Laurel and an even more prim model girl and shouts, "Where are my 'clothes'?" like in a sitcom about wacky hijinks.

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