"Like what, the OJ in her mimosa was from concentrate, not fresh-squeezed?" Heh. Dan's up again. And then right back down: "And what, and what does this say about Serena, that this is her best friend?" NOTHING THAT IS YOUR BUSINESS. GOD. It tells you that Serena loves Blair, warts and all, and is well aware of her faults but can see past them because she is committed to supporting her friend, because that's what friends do. You know who else told you that? Serena! In every goddamn scene on this show! What's underneath the surface of you, Dan, that makes you hate and mistrust women so much? Rufus helps supply the answer to that one: "I dated a girl like Serena once...actually, a lot like Serena." Same last name, even. "And girls like that are challenging, it's true. They're complicated and enigmatic [!]...and usually worth it. And the only way you'll know for sure is to jump in with both feet." I love it when Rufus explains the rules of manhood to Dan, like they're both not big old girls. Dan asks what happened when Rufus jumped with both feet into Lily van der Woodsen, and he admits that after swimming for a while, he drowned. Dan thanks him for the shitty talk and goes back to making a list of people to judge, other people's lives that he can turn into his own personal burden, and clothes he looks smokin' hot in.
Eleanor tucks B in for the night, sweetly. Blair's like, "You haven't done this since I was little," and Eleanor reminds her that she hasn't actually been in bed by ten since she was little. (That reminded me of Paris Hilton's parents watching her dance on the tables at 1 AM and being like, "Problem? I see no problem with this." Funny and creepy at the same time.) "You looked beautiful tonight, you know?" Blair's lovely, innocent smile. "Really?" Eleanor pats her and heads off without even saying anything horrible or hitting her in the head with a shovel, so Blair puts on her sleep mask and drifts away.
Dan's wandering his spacious Williamsburg loft brushing his teeth absently when Serena calls him to -- you guessed it -- apologize some more. He runs around the house like a judging monkey to spit before he talks to her, and she's somehow the gross one. He tells her she missed "something amazing," and he's not talking about the movie, and it's cute. She invites him to the photo shoot in the morning and he laughs and asks if she's actually calling for Jenny. "I know it's a girly offer, but chew on this: I'll be there." Heh. He whines about how that means she won't because she forgot to negativize and un-ask or whatever, and she's like, "It's Blair's shoot, so I have to be there for moral support." He goes south on her: "Blair? Well, I'm definitely not going now." Serena nods, says, "Okay," hangs up the phone, and goes to buy herself a vibrator and some Cherry Garcia.
Just kidding! She hates herself. "Look, she's really not as bad as you think. Besides, she's gonna be so busy with the shoot that you won't even have to see her, and since it's so boring on the sidelines, you'll have my full attention." He lets her twist in silence and so she offers to buy him anything he wants from craft service, and he reminds her that craft service is free, and just like that they have one more irritating in-joke they can bring up in every conversation for the rest of the episode. Serena is cool: "I'll see you in the morning at eight I'm texting you the address I'm hanging up before thou dost protest again!" All in one breath like that. "Both feet, Humphrey," he says to himself, and somewhere Blair vomits without even knowing why.