DYNASTIC POLITICS

Beatrice: "Your fiancée is bulimic!"
Louis: "There are so many other things wrong with her that you're just looking pathetic."
Beatrice: "Do you know what bulimia is? I know English isn't a first language for either of us, so you might be confused. Since we're speaking in it."
Louis: "She said you were hectoring her about rules and things, maybe that made her barf. Or your horrible fragrance."
Beatrice, horrifically enough: "You never did understand la psychologie des femmes. I guess I will just have to prove it to you."

LEASE-PAYMENT GOLDBRICKS

Ivy: "Hey, lady. I gave you a bad check and I need it back, secretly. Also we don't want to live in your stupid apartment. Also, please tell that giant blonde whatsit to stop running my shit."
Realie: "You talk to her yourself. This apartment has been down-paymented and leased and you already live here and your stuff is here and your name is Peepers now."

MORNING SICKNESS YARDSTICKS

Dorota and Blair loll around on Blair's bed being pregnant and chatting about it.

Dorota: "Saltines only thing I eat for months with Ana."
Blair, just to be a bitch: "Well, that was not the same. Your people are bred to work through these conditions. Give birth in a field."
Dorota: "No fields in Krakow. And I have birthing suite at Lenox Hill."

Louis & Beatrice: "Are you guys taking une nap? On el bed?"
Blair: "Stop it already."
Beatrice: "I have rewritten the laws of time and space to invite my sexy priest friend and the entirety of our population to come celebrate the Assumption with you in your living room. Your wish is granted!"
Blair: "This is so stupid."
Beatrice: "It's a Feast! With food! Get it? Because of how you used to be bulimic? Anybody? Hello, is this thing on? Does anybody know what a bra is?"

LONELYBOY PLACEKICKS

Chuck: "Unlike Serena, when I rejected you I meant it."
Dan: "Unlike reality, you think that would stop me."
Chuck: "Look, unless you're going to wrestle me to the ground and get that Brooklyn sweat all over me, I need you to leave."
Dan: "I need you to sexually assault some bank employees. Also, I'm trying not to be worried about you as my brother. Is there a chance you're melting down because Blair Waldorf is going to the Feast of the Assumption in exile, as previously decided mere seconds ago in that last scene?"
Chuck: "Humphrey, you know nothing about our situation."
Dan: "I hate feeling left out! Don't say that. I know all about your situation. Your situation and I were talking about on the phone last night and I'm not telling you what we talked about. Your situation invited me for a sleepover on Friday, and I am taking a sleeping bag to school. It is going right in my cubby. So that it doesn't get dirty. And Friday night, we are going to make popcorn balls, and you are not invited."
Chuck: "Yeah, you kissed her? But I fucked her, at a Bar Mitzvah, so how about you drop the Vanessa Abrams act and stop pretending you know anything that's going on."
ibid., verbatim: "That hurt? Wish I could feel it."