I love how the show is still fucking her. I love that so much.
Serena: "All my bank-hacking needs are met by Charles Bass. Last time, he sexually assaulted four window tellers at our local bank branch. Got my annual rate up 4 percent. Have you tried that? Have you met my brother Chuck, ever? Are you guys BFFs maybe?"
Dan: "You've been a great help. So, are you really going to live in LA all season?"
Serena: "Indubitably. Our show's budget can totally handle that. Plus, Cousin Peepers is here!"
Dan, verbatim: "Charlie? As in Call Me Serena Cousin Charlie?"
Serena: "She's a gas, isn't she? Yeah, we're going to brunch even though California is three hours behind New York, and then I will grill her, and then I will attempt to kidnap her for no reason other than the plot."
Dan: "Just make sure she's back on her meds. And say hi!"
Dan honestly thinks about going to find Chuck Bass, and then GG's little tracker microchip inside Chuck's body tells him exactly where Chuck Bass is. Reality!
Wonderful Max: "And for my final course, a hot peach clafouti, inspired by my hot girlfriend Ivy."
(The only people who say my hot girlfriend or smokin' hot wife are dorky unattractive Christians, because they still can't believe they get to have intercourse. Or because they are gay. Usually both.)
Ivy: "Which of these wedgies makes me look more like I'm trying desperately?"
Max: "Is this for an audition?"
Ivy: "You could say that."
Max: "Listen, apropos of nothing, let's move to Portland at the end of this episode. It would solve all your problems, and you would get to be with me. An LA 6 is a Portland 10, and I'm already a 10."
Ivy: "Let's discuss this later, after I lose my shit entirely."
Max: "We could use that invalid checkbook you stole from Aunt Carol last year, that I don't know about."
Ivy: "That's one of those trust fund checkbooks that only works once. Due to how using it would be several different kinds of fraud."
Max: "My smokin' hot girlfriend is a stickler! [Verbatim] I just don't want to end up like everybody else who comes to LA with dreams, only to find that LA is the place where dreams come to die. Or you get those weird lips that everybody here has."