Ivy: "Great, well good luck finding an apartment. At least I know it won't be anywhere near my poor ass."
Serena: "Let's go! I want to see where you live and try on all your clothes and put on your makeup and hairstyle and get to third with your boyfriend and say Call me Charlie!"
Ivy: "Rest assured we live in a very posh home in a very posh neighborhood. We are super high-class. In fact, my roommate is so inbred he can only eat cucumber sandwiches. And he does not like strangers."
Serena: "Unrelated to anything that you're saying, just let me make a quick call to my real estate agent and ask for a two-bedroom."
Ivy: "Why would you do that?"
Serena: "Oh, I skipped the part where we discussed living together. [Verbatim] But it's not negotiable."
Ivy: "I don't want to live with you. I couldn't be more clear about this."
Serena: "Rhodes Girls always live together, in backdoor pilots and failed spinoff series! It's a tradition, in theory! Your wish is granted!"
THE LONELY CICATRIX
Dan: "Oh hey, Chuck! What are you doing in this dark alley with sexy hoodlums? I can't imagine for one second. Are they going to steal your shoes? Charlie Trout did that to me once. It was a night I shall never forget."
Chuck: "Dan, get out of here and leave me to my rough trade."
Dan: "Even for Chuck, this is almost too Chuck, Chuck."
Hoods: "Get over here, Cheekbones. But we're charging you double."
Chuck: "He is not part of this! Why are you always taking my things?"
Dan: "I am so in the weeds right now. I am unprepared for what is happening."
Hoods: "No, this is dumb and weird. We're gone."
Chuck: "Thank you very much for interrupting me getting beat up, choad."
Dan: "Chuck, what the fuck is going on and why do you have that intense bruise?"
Chuck: "Beating myself up with a motorcycle just wasn't doing it for me anymore. I had to choreograph this whole fight scene with those dudes where I gingerly unbuttoned and removed my shirt and then they tossed me lightly back and forth between them."
Dan: "Chuck, I have to say I'm worried. Turned on beyond the telling of it, but also concerned."
JOYSTICKS & BROWNIE MIX
Nate is: Making pot brownies while attempting to track the Mystery Woman down. As one does.