Nate: "Why Daniel, old boy. I sure have missed you! Now that I'm seeing you and remember who you are, I mean. I was going to ask how things were, but considering you're carrying Chuck I think the answer is: Weird."
Dan: "Nathaniel, you will not believe what I found. This little goblin right here was having S&M with dudes. For money. In Queens. Now, is something going on at home?"
Chuck: "Dan, stop helping. This is graduate-level Bass, okay, not even Nate can help with this. This is like Thailand, Uncle Jack, molested-by-nanny stuff. The full Trout. You guys are just not qualified."
Dan: "Looks to me like you're trying to get Gossip Girl's attention so Blair will get worried about you and come save you. They did a decent job of introducing that trope last year, come to think of it."
Nate: "Yeah, or he's just a perv. Have you, like, met him? One time he made me put a mousetrap..."
Chuck: "-- Nathaniel, that is private. Give me a brownie."

Dan: "I am so inured to feeling left out that I can't even see when it's intentionally being done to me. Therefore, in the grand Humphrey tradition, I shall soldier on."
Nate: "What can be done?"
Dan: "Well, his body is all kinds of jacked up."
Nate: "My mother has a concierge doctor that will come to the house. He's a woodland creature, so his rates are quite reasonable. But it should really just be between us right now. Would you mind coming back after I've got him showered and dressed?"
Dan: "Yeah, I need him to sexually assault some bank workers anyway."
Nate: "He once got my Black Card's limit raised to infinity, and all it cost me was a handjob."
Dan: "...Oh, Nate."

SARTORIAL HERETRIX

Bra check: Same.

Beatrice: "[Something.]"
Blair: "I want to wear Woo for my welcome parade -- short but regal -- and Alaïa would put Charlene and her swimmer's body to shame at Albert's ball..."
Beatrice: "[In the negative.]"
Blair: "Because once again Monaco has all these bullshit 'traditions' and 'history' that somehow make me feel oppressed despite those being keynotes to my character? Great. What is it, do I have to wear a Quinceañera dress made of carnations?"
Beatrice: "[In essence, I guess.]"
Blair: "So you get Balmain, and I get to be Barbara Bush. How is this possible?"
Beatrice: "[Foreshadowing the fact that she's jealous of Louis's position in the line of succession or something? Do like HRH Caroline in real life? So she'd be the heiress presumptive if Louis vanished or, I guess, just didn't feel like it.]"
Blair: "That reminds me of the time Louis threatened to quit for me, that one time that that happened, and you gave this interview where you pretty much bit through your lip with lust for power. How curious that you're now acting as though it's a luxury not to be the heir... Hold up, I have to barf."